


I'm All Yours, My Love

by DWImpala67



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: 18 + content, Alternate Universe - Classical Music, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Arranged Marriage AU, Authoritarian World, Bottom Jared Padalecki, Brief Jared/OMC, Dinner dates, Dystopian World, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forced Marriage, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by a Movie, Lawyer Jensen Ackles, M/M, Mild Mpreg!, Musical References, Romance, SPN Dystopia Bang 2020, Singer Jared Padalecki, Top Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 33,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWImpala67/pseuds/DWImpala67
Summary: They live in a world where a love marriage was a taboo and more so for male carriers. Jared is one of them. His father has arranged for his marriage with Jensen Ackles, whom he doesn't know from Adam. Unfortunately for him, he falls in love with another man. He’s happy and they keep it under wraps until they can seek Jared’s parents’ permission. But, his secret is exposed and his guy is sent packing and Jared is married off to Jensen Ackles forcefully to honor his family name. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to forget his first love and move on.Jensen Ackles was a romantic. He always believed his married life would be one full of love and belonging, of togetherness. He took one look at his husband and fell hard and fast for him. His husband is the single most treasured and important person to him in the entire world. He’ll do anything to make his husband happy. But what he gets instead is a husband who’s given his heart away already. So, Jensen decides to help his husband find his true love. Only, Jared has other ideas…Will Jared get his happily ever after? Or will they both find something to soothe their battered soul?
Relationships: Jared Padalecki/Original Male Character(s), Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 42
Kudos: 89
Collections: SPN Dystopia Bang 2020





	1. I Thought I Found Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first even Spn Dystopia Bang. I’ve been reading a lot of fics with dystopian settings and I loved them all. So, I thought of giving it a try. 
> 
> I observed that all of the dystopian stories are mostly violent or dark in nature. So, I decided to go with a love story, with angst and fluff, something out of the box. 
> 
> This story is based on Bollywood Movie. While I have taken liberty with the story, the basic premises remain the same. The story and the music belongs to the filmmakers and this fic uses it just purely for entertainment purposes. No harm meant.
> 
> The songs that you’d come across are originally in Hindi but I’ve translated them to the best of my efforts. Except for the last song, “Everything I do, I do It For You” By Bryan Adams. It belongs to the singer and it’s used here only for entertainment purposes. 
> 
> At start of every chapter is a quote, that is a part of my collection from books, various websites and journals that I've come across. Each quote is in sync with the chapter details.
> 
> This story is purely a work of fiction and intends to harm to anyone, living or dead.  
> Jensen ad Jared are their own person and their characters have fictional value. The names of their family members have been changed as it didn’t feel right. They are private persons and not public figure. 
> 
> I would like to thank Jen, for being the amazing Beta as always. And for her silent support through this whole journey. Also, thanks to Carol, for her sweet feedback. 
> 
> Special Thanks to Emma, for claiming my story and for being the wonderful artist that she is. She’s fun to work with. She was accommodative of my tantrums. Link is given below the art. Please visit the artpost and give some love to the artist.  
> Lastly, thanks a ton to the moderators of this bang for running this wonderful challenge. His wouldn’t have been possible without you. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine and I apologize for them in advance. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

Link To The Beautiful Art: [ArtPost By EmmmaTheSlayer](https://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/637074.html)

**_“Love doesn't conquer everything. And whoever thinks it does is a fool."_ **

**_\- Donna Tartt, The Secret History_ **

In the world where love marriages were frowned upon, specifically for male carriers, Jared had promptly fallen in love with a guy despite having known that he’s not supposed to. His father had already made the match with the approval of his mother and the elders of both families had fixed the marriage of two guys who had only met once. The Padaleckis and Ackles had known each other for four generations. The Ackles were known in the field of law, having produced three Judges and almost all of them were great corporate lawyers. Besides, they had invested a huge share in Padalecki Oils. Both families had recently met at a gala where Jared had performed a song and that was when he had met the middle son of Andrew and Diana Ackles - Jensen, supposedly his to be husband. Jared had an outgoing personality whereas Jensen seemed an exact opposite. Jensen hadn’t talked much to anyone and Jared had found the mystery that Jensen Ackles was, very intriguing. However, he didn’t indulge much in that thought. That night, Jensen had only stared at him, with wide green eyes and they had shared a very soft “Hello’’ but apart from that, nothing substantial. He knew he should have indulged Jensen more, getting to know him. After all Jared was going to marry this guy, but he couldn’t. Somehow he kept comparing Jensen with the guy he had fallen in love with, despite having known that they could never happen.

Jared had thrown a tantrum of epic proportions after having met Jensen. But it was Graham Padalecki‘s final order that put Jared in place. “You will not dishonor the family name, Jared. I promised Ackles that you would marry his son. And you will abide by that, young man. Because you were my honor and pride but you threw that away by doing something I thought you never would. So, you will do as decreed.” Saying thus, he had stormed out from Jared’s room, never spearing a glance at him.

You see, they lived in a world where falling in love before getting married was a sin. Dating was taboo and meeting your fiancé alone without any family member to witness, was frowned upon. More so, for the male carriers as there was an added pressure of maintaining the family honor, especially in case of Jared where he had a respectable family background. They were traditionalists and Jared knew that he was already promised in marriage to Ackles, but he didn’t give a damn. Robert Miller was who he wanted and yet, was the one he couldn’t have.

After his father stormed out of his room, Jared had promptly broken down. How was he supposed to marry someone when he already had given his heart away? He still remembered that day, when his secret was discovered, by his own uncle nonetheless. It was cruel to have been confronted by his own family but he was so in love that he thought he was invincible or that he could convince his family of letting them get together. Jared had a plan already in place but the nosy members of his family had ruined all that he had built up till now. 

Jared had been coming home back from his music lessons when he had stumbled into Robert Miller. Robert had just relocated from his home town of Mount Monac to Deccan because he wanted to learn music.

The city of Deccan was known for its musical heritage. The city had a gift as it had produced many great singers and musicians of their time. Jared and his father too were into music. Graham Padalecki was a known name in the city. He was deemed best in the city to learn music from. Senior Padalecki had mastered in classical music. It was his father’s passion that drove Jared to learn singing too. Jared was proud of the fact that he was his father’s pride and joy. He was the beloved son of Graham Padalecki, known for his brilliant musical ability and angelic voice, his beauty and his mischievous nature. He never wavered from his devotion to music and he prided himself in the fact that he had never had any distraction to date, except Robert Miller.

Robert Miller was handsome, with a well built body, muscled arms, 6.2’’ frame and brown eyes and in Jared’s eyes hot as hell. Robert was on his way in search of the Padalecki Estate when he bumped into Jared. “Hey man, do you know where this guy lives?” he inquired, handing Jared a piece of paper which had the address to his home. Jared was a bit taken aback but he managed to find his voice, “Oh. Why do you want to go there anyway?” mildly curious as to what exactly did this handsome man wanted to do.

“I was told there lives one Graham Padalecki, who’s the master of classical music. I am more of a Pop artist but I wanted to learn and understand the intricacies of classical music, that’s why a friend of my mother suggested that I come here, to train under him.” And Jared was floored. Robert seemed to have genuine respect for his father. What else would a guy want more? So, Jared, the kind-hearted man that he was, decided to test him and gave him directions to his house. In other words he sent the man on a long route to his home which was only 10 minutes from where he was standing. Three hours later, a panting and puffing Robert stood in front of the entire Padalecki clan begging Senior Padalecki to take him in as a student.

It took a lot of convincing, but Robert managed to coax the man into taking him in. Everyone was enamored by the man that was Robert Miller. He had an outgoing personality, plus the fact that he was good-looking also didn’t hurt. He was funny but damn intelligent. He had a knack of exaggerating everything but his weirdness was welcome in the otherwise disciplined family. Initially, Graham Padalecki was reluctant, yet seeing the man’s passion for music had him relenting. However, he was no fool. He had observed the looks shared between this man and his youngest son. He had sensed a developing attraction between them and that was what had led to him taking Robert aside for a little man-to-man chat. “I can see your passion for music, son. I don’t usually train the people who are too much into modern pop and jazz but seeing as you are genuinely interested in learning, I’ll take you in.”

Robert was on cloud nine, “Oh my God! Thank you so much, Sir! I’ll try my best to make you proud.” His smile faltered a bit when he saw his teacher still had a grim look on his face. “I promise never to disappoint you, Sir. I’ll do anything, anything to …”

He was cut short as Graham Padalecki interrupted him, “I have a condition. I’ll only take you in if you promise to stay away from Jared. He’s my pride, my joy. He’ll one day honor my word and is to marry into a respectable family. I can tolerate anything but I can’t tolerate a dent to my pride. The day that happens, I’ll leave my music forever. You will not hurt him, young man. Stay away from him. Friends I can tolerate but I’ll not tolerate anything more than that under my roof. The day I see you getting in deep with him, is the day I throw you out. Do you understand?”

Robert was a bit taken aback. He never in his wildest dreams would have thought that the Senior Padalecki had actually seen through him. It was true that he was trying to get close to Jared, what he never considered was the fact that there were eyes on his every move. “I-I promise, Sir. I promise to never hurt him. I am just friendly…Trying something with Jared was never my intention. I assure you, Sir, I will stay away from him.” Robert promised but even he knew it was a half-hearted one. He knew he could never stay away from the enigma that was Jared Padalecki. Jared’s beauty and his challenging personality had Robert craving to know him more. That’s why when he promised his master of never looking at Jared like that, he knew he was lying through his teeth. But he was selfish and he wanted the best of both. So, he did what he should have done ~~,~~ given the circumstances and decided that he would deal with the matters as and when they came up.

“Okay. I’m taking your word for it, boy. I’ll take you in as my student. I’ll make arrangements for you to live in the guest house behind the estate. In two days I want you to move out of the room my brother rented you and shift into the premises. There will be two slots initially, and I’ll increase the training as I see your progress. I’ll start my lessons sharp at 5 a.m. in morning. You’ll have breakfast, lunch and dinner with us. No gossip and no misadventures. I take my art very seriously and I expect you to do the same. You are dismissed for now. I’ll see you next in two days, in the room of the main suite at 5 a.m. sharp.” Saying that, he left a very bewildered Robert behind thinking of ways to devise his plans of getting to know Jared despite the warning and ensuring it all dodges the eyes of Senior Padalecki. Because he couldn’t get Jared Padalecki out of his mind.

Robert did as he was told and moved to his new base, the guest house. It was a small but enough for him. The patio had a swing and a small garden adorned the front area. The stony pathway led to the back entry into the Padalecki residence. It was a huge structure with separate wings for each family. There lived a total of three Padalecki brothers and their families. The family was very down-to-earth, yet managed to be loud and friendly. They had a very welcoming warmth. Jared, though, had a knack for mischief and he kept the house alive. This bubbly side of him was what drew Robert towards him.


	2. I Doubted Myself At First

**_“What if I told you I’m incapable of tolerating my own heart?”_ **

**_-_ ** _** Virginia Woolf, Night and Day ** _

Robert’s routine was very laid back, except when it wasn’t. The Senior Padalecki made him sweat. He was ordered to wake up at 4 in the morning and report to the terrace of the estate sharp by 5. His lessons would be attended by Jared, his father and his little sister Myra. The siblings snickered every time Robert hit a wrong note as Senior Padalecki would not release him until he had done it right. Myra was good on violin whereas Jared was great on piano. Plus, Jared had a very sweet and smooth voice. Once he would start singing, the audience would generally be entranced into the song. Whereas Graham Padalecki would have something akin to pride and fierce love reflected in his eyes whenever Jared performed. Sometimes, they would sing together and would ask Robert to join in between so that he could understand the middle notes properly. 

It was a bright sunny morning, they were taking lessons on the terrace as usual when the weather turned slight windy with a hint of rainy breeze and Robert observed as the father son shared a look and after a minute or so, Jared hit a high note and started singing.

_My charming lover is here,_

_My beauteous lover is here,_

_My soul has found immense joy,_

_My charming lover is here…._

_Lets’ celebrate and sing songs,_

_Lets’ celebrate and sing songs,_

_Just as my heart has become peaceful,_

_(Because of course)_

_My charming lover is here,_

_My beauteous lover is here_

_My charming lover is here………_

Robert was enthralled with the way Jared’s voice sounded and echoed, with the way he sang, eyes closed, those brown curls dancing with the wind and the way his fingers smoothed over the piano, hitting every note right. It was the first time that Robert acknowledged something warm in his heart that spread through his body making him attracted towards Jared. Robert had an abusive father and never had a loving home, until his father died in a car accident and he reconnected with his mother. So, he didn’t expressly know what love was. But he knew somewhere in his heart, whatever he was feeling – love, like, - it didn’t matter. He desired Jared and he was going to get what he desired. So, he set out on a mission of making Jared fall for him.

After the lessons ended, they would all proceed towards the dining room to have breakfast. Each and every member of the Padalecki family would gather around and chatter happily with each other in their obnoxiously loud but kind way, until Graham Padalecki arrived. He was always the last to arrive and whenever he took his seat, a silence would fall upon the room. The elders were to eat first, then the breadwinners and kids and later the homemakers. The wives and husbands or the caretakers would serve first and only then would they eat. However, once the elders were done, everyone would be back to their loud chattering. On one such occasion, Senior Padalecki stood back and watched as everyone took their seats and chatted happily. There was a challenge going around the young that they could eat the spiciest thing that was currently in the pantry, stored somewhere in return of which the person would get a free pass to the music room and play any instrument to their heart’s content the whole day.

“Hey Nate, I know you can’t do it, so stop bragging. You can’t even stand eating a raw onion,” one of the kids taunted.

“Yeah, so you think you can, Liam? Why don’t you prove it? In any case, I don’t have to eat the spicy things just to prove how bad I wanna play the guitar. I just have to ask Uncle Graham and I can have easy access unlike you, who can’t do that because you always break the strings on guitar,” Nate teased.

“You are just bragging because you are his favorite, aren’t you Nate. You are like the poster child of sophistication. So, of course you have access. But we the bratty ones have to struggle. So, what do you say Jared, should we do it?” Allison asked

“Oh you children, really, you need to grow up. Besides I don’t think anyone sitting here is capable of eating the spiciest thing in the pantry, which, I happen to know what it is. So, I suggest you tone it down and eat your breakfast,” Jared replied.

Graham Padalecki watched as the chatter was joined by his children and Robert suddenly spoke. “I’m used to eating spicy food, so it doesn’t affect me. I can eat anything spicy as long as I get the kick out of it.” He could see Robert’s eyes on his son and he could tell Robert was trying to catch Jared’s attention. What Graham Padalecki despised the most in the man was the way he would brag about himself. Robert was impatient and at times self-obsessed. He wouldn’t care what the others would think of his words. Always too confident about himself. Robert was good at heart no doubt, but he was lacking empathy and compassion. He was rough and brash. That was exactly what he feared might lead to Miller’s downfall. He was somehow more concerned about his relationship with his young son. Jared had a heart of gold and would always wear it on sleeves. As a father, Graham Padalecki was concerned that the constant banter between Jared and Robert might hurt Jared more. He could see the signs of Jared falling for this guy but he was powerless to stop the beating of Jared’s heart. He was brought back from the daydream when he heard Jared.

“Well, Mr. Spicy, if you do get the kick out of it then lets serve you with the spiciest food on the menu. Here’s to serving you with the spicy and hot ghost pepper. Let's see how much of a kick you get and you can have your way with the music room.”

Robert gulped as he watched Myra place a good chunk of ghost peppers on his plate. “That’s all the breakfast you get, Mr. Spicy,” Jared goaded from behind. Robert had a reputation to keep, so he started eating it, one by one. Even Graham Padalecki could see Robert was struggling after the second one, but he waited out to see if he would cave. To everyone’s surprise Robert, was panting and flushed red, sweat covering his forehead, nose and ears, yet wasn’t ready to yield, he picked up his fourth piece when Jared stopped him and took his plate away. Everyone was stunned at the amount of ghost pepper Robert had consumed without touching even a drop of water or asking for help. It was this stubborn and bratty behavior that told Graham Padalecki that Robert Miller was not a good match for his youngest son. He watched as Robert fled away to his bedroom with Jared staring after him. There was something affectionate developing in those eyes that warned him that he needed to talk to his son.

Jared was flabbergasted. He could see Robert struggling and he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting this beautiful man more. He rushed into the kitchen and added two spoonfuls of sugar to the milk and quickly heated it up, adding some flavors like nutmeg and cardamom and a pinch of saffron. He covered it and rushed in the direction of the guest house.

When Jared entered, he could hear Robert jumping around making noises on the bed. Jared made his way to the bedroom and sat patiently in front of Robert until he faced him. Jared sat still till Robert took the hint and got up, sitting cross-legged. Jared slowly took a spoonful of the porridge and brought it towards Robert. But Robert smacked his hand away, spilling it on the bed. Jared patiently, took another spoonful but Robert did the same. Jared yet again patiently took another spoonful, but this time Robert held his gaze and swallowed it down. They spent the time together in silence, Jared feeding Robert until he had finished it up.

“You could have stopped you know. It was just a stupid dare. No one was really going to do it,” Jared said quietly as he cleaned up and gathered the plate.

“I would never have gotten a chance to get to spend some time with you, then, would I?” Robert answered.

Jared was taken aback, but couldn’t deny that he felt the urge to know Robert better. “You could have asked you know. To spend some time with me. I could have arranged some extra music lessons. Just the two of us.”

The red flush that spread on Jared’s cheek was a sight worth eating a hundred ghost peppers for, if need be, Robert thought. Then what Jared said, clicked in his brain and he smirked. “Extra music lessons, huh? Why, Mr. Jared Padalecki, are you trying to get some alone time with me?” Robert asked, talking a seductive tone.

“W-what? N-no. I mean umm. N-not like t-that…I-its j-just..y-you said…Hey, you want to spend some time with me, so I suggested we get together as friends. I didn’t mean anything,” Jared squealed.

Robert couldn’t help but laugh, Jared was such an adorable guy, “Hey, it’s okay. I was just teasing you. But, on a very serious note, I would love to get to know you and be your friend, Jared. You intrigue me.”

Seeing Robert openly flirting with him surprised him. Everyone knew he was the youngest son of Graham Padalecki and promised in marriage to the youngest son of Andrew Ackles. Hence, everyone would stay ten feet away from him. But Robert, he didn’t hide nor did he seem intimidated. His confident aura was what led Jared down the rabbit hole and he accepted his offer.

Their friendship built slowly. Jared managed to convince his father of training Robert privately with Myra. Of course, he wasn’t a fool to suggest he join Robert’s private lessons, he knew his dad was suspicious. So, he swiftly brought Myra in. After breakfast and between lunch, Jared and Myra would take a stroll towards Robert’s house and Myra would spend her time with their dogs in the backyard giving Jared and Robert some privacy. Myra covered for them but made Jared promise that if caught, he’d have to come clean. They were from completely different backgrounds. Sure, there were some hurdles but when Robert shared his story of his abusive childhood and how his father banished his mother from their home and treated Robert as his slave, asking him to do all the chores and taking away all his money he earned waiting tables at diners to spend it all at the pub, gambling, something in Jared hurt on behalf of his friend. That evening they shared their childhood stories over a cup of tea and Jared dared to hope that maybe Robert too felt something brewing between them. They shared their first kiss on the couch watching TV and snuggling into each other as Myra was parked in the guest room, reading a book.


	3. But Then, I Blinded Myself With Hope

**_“And I, infinitesima­l being, drunk with the great starry void, likeness, image of mystery, I felt myself a pure part of the abyss, I wheeled with the stars, my heart broke loose on the wind.”_ **

**_\- Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets_ **

****

It was the Festival of the Moon. The tradition was that one spouse, generally wife or the husband who looked after the home and kids would keep fast as they prayed to the Moon to ensure the long and healthy life of their other spouse. They would fast for the entire day and would only break it after having offered water to the moon. The couples would gather around at night on the terrace, eagerly waiting for the moon to rise high up in the sky. Then they would stand in front of each other and the wife and husband who was fasting would look at the moon through an opaque net and would slowly turn from the moon towards their beloved. They would gaze at each other lovingly and then the husband would lower the net and get a glimpse of their other half. They would together offer some water to the moon and then would make the fasting spouse drink it. Next, they would feed a slice of sweet dessert to the fasting spouse thereby ending their fast. The family then, would sit around and eat under the starry night. The one who was fasting would get ready and adorn themselves in their best clothes and would merrily sing and play instruments in the evening, as they sat waiting for the moon to rise. The ones who were not yet married, would fast in order to get the spouse of their dreams.

Jared was fasting. He didn’t exactly know why but he did as his mom told him. He secretly wished that Robert would be exactly what he desired and would pray to the Moon that he be granted his wish. By the time all were waiting for the moon to show up and clouds to disperse, Jared sat there with his siblings humming songs and singing praise to the moon. Somewhere in between two songs, Robert entered and Jared couldn’t resist but smiling at him. He looked good in a black tunic and white slacks, the traditional dress for the spouse. Jared was wearing a red tunic and a white slacks, the traditional outfit for the other half. Everyone was getting impatient and with no sign of the clouds dispersing, Robert started teasing and charming the ladies. Jared was miffed. Robert should be spending time with him and not throwing his attention at the ladies, who were already married.

Sensing that Jared was getting jealous of his antics, he started humming the tune the ladies were singing. He had composed a song specifically for Jared and he wanted to let him know that Jared had a specifically good place in his heart. He wished Jared would understand that the song was composed specially for him. He coaxed Jared to turn around to look at him and held his gaze as he sang…

_The moon is hiding in the clouds,_

_It’s feeling shy, my love,_

_Com, hide in my arms,_

_Twisting around in my arms, my love…._

_The moon is miffed_

_Its silent,_

_It’s intoxicated,_

_It’s quite,_

_This atmosphere,_

_Yes, this atmosphere is special….._

_Let’s come close to each other_

_Oh no, no, not now_

_Let this distance be erased_

_Oh no, no, not now_

_You look at me, from a distance only_

_Look as much as you want, from a distance only_

_You tell me, my love_

_How do I look at you from a distance_

_Just like a bird looks at the moon…._

_(Chorus) Oh moon, come out,_

_That if you don’t, my heart will_

_Long to see the face of my beloved (end of chorus)_

_No, oh moon, don’t you come out,_

_Because if you do, my beloved will feel shy and leave…._

_Let me hide in the shelter of your arms,_

_Oh no, no, not now_

_Let me get lost in the beauty that is your hair_

_Oh no, no, not now_

_Love thy name is patience, my beloved_

_Tell me, how am I supposed to wait_

_Just as the peacock waits for the rains_

_Hey, let it go_

_Don’t leave it now_

_Don’t shadow your face_

_This atmosphere_

_Yes, this atmosphere is different…._

_(Chorus) The moon is finally out_

_Now every wish shall be fulfilled_

_In the moonlit night, every spouse_

_Shall see their beloved….(End of chorus)_

It wasn’t as if anyone could pinpoint the song and the meaning behind it. By the end of it everyone was singing along, but the way Jared’s eyes lit up and he smiled all the way, singing the chorus along, told Robert that his message got through. The rest of the night went without a hitch. Jared however was yet to break his fast as he wanted to end it by performing the ritual with Robert - his love. So, he quietly excused himself from all the festivities and went back to his suit. His suite had a big balcony and Jared was standing there gazing longingly at the moon. His mind had wandered into the wonderland of how his married life would be? He knew he was promised to Jensen but the attraction he had towards Robert was not something his heart was ready to ignore. Would his father let him get together with Robert? Would he be able to convince his father? They weren’t official yet, still hanging between the friends to lovers zone. But Jared could feel it happening soon. What would he do in case he failed to get his father’s approval? His mind raced with a thousand different thoughts.

A sudden click of the door had him surprised. Once he turned around to see who it was, all the shock drained away and he was smiling hard. “Hey, fancy seeing you here, stranger.”

“Well, how could I resist the ethereal beauty that you are?” Robert replied, encircling Jared with his arms, both standing still, deeply gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Robert, will you allow me to…?”

“What do you think I’m here for, Jared? I too had to end my fast.”

That was sufficient information for Jared’s eyes to go wide and his breath left him as he gasped, “What…Are you…did you? Really?” Did Robert too keep a fast for Jared, abiding by the tradition, just to pray for their happiness?

The booming laugh made Jared recoil backwards. Was it really so bad to wish his love might just have kept the fast for him?

“You’re so easy, Jared. I just came here to have some alone time with you,” Robert replied still laughing at the frown on Jared’s face.

Jared though, was furious. Was this all a joke to him? Didn’t he know that Jared was fasting for him just so that the Mother Moon could bless them as a couple? Why did it matter so less for Robert? Jared’s belief and his principles were seldom appreciated by his friend but the total disregard was something that he wasn’t expecting. “What do you think of us, Robert? What are we?”

Robert immediately understood the tense posture Jared was in. He immediately took a step back. “What do you mean, Jared?’’

It was like going round and round in circles. “You know what I mean. We’ve had this conversation for far too long. Why don’t you understand that I’m desperate here, Robert? My family has already betrothed me to the son of Andrew Ackles. But I don’t want to marry him. Because I wanna be with you. So, answer me, what do you think of us?”

Robert sighed deeply and didn’t say anything for too long. Jared was just about to march out when he spoke, “Jared, I understand, babe. But your father promised that he’d never allowed us to be together. So,..”

“So, you knew we could never be together, yet you played with my feelings, is that it?” Jared was trying hard not to cry. It hurt to hear that Robert had been playing him. “Is that what I was? Just a plaything for you?”

“No, no…Oh babe…no. Not at all. I love you, Jared. You know I do. It’s just that I'm waiting for the right time. I am on the last scheduled lessons and once I’ve achieved something and can actually be something that your father can be proud of, then we’ll tell him together. Jared please…” Robert pulled a fighting and sobbing Jared back into his arms and just held him tight.

“So, your music and your achievements come first, I’m not even close to your dreams, Robert, am I?” Jared mumbled, sniffling.

“No, Jared. In fact my dreams center around you. You have to understand that if I go in right now and tell your dad, he’d be livid. I’m a nobody for him, Jared. I am just waiting for him to recognize me for what I am. Once his final lessons are done and I pass his exam, I’ll ask for his permission to court you, Jared.” Robert pleaded with Jared to understand him.

“I just…It's hard, Robert. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with Ackles. I want to be with you. Just you.” Jared said.

“I know, Jared. It’s the same with me. God, I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Now come on, let's be done with this drama and let me kiss my man goodnight.”

Robert cupped Jared’s face and kissed him. Jared broke the kiss and trailed soft kisses on Robert’s jaw and his cheeks. “So, I didn’t see you eating. I assumeyou’re fasting?”

Jared turned pink, “Yeah, I…will you…” He was about to ask Robert if he would perform the ritual with him but thought better of it. If this whole thing was just a joke for him, then Jared was not going to force him into it. “Never mind, I had dinner in my room. Don’t worry.” He lied hoping it would give Robert a false assurance.

“You sure?” Robert asked. Once Jared nodded, he planted a sweet lingering kiss on Jared’s lips. “Okay then. Good night, babe. See you tomorrow”

“You too.” Jared watched as Robert silently made his way through his suite, trying to be as quiet as possible. He flopped down on the sofa and took his head into his hands, stomach in knots. He was hungry but he also didn’t think he’d be able to swallow down the food without bile rising up in his throat. He yielded though, when he heard his stomach growl and ate up the plate of food he had brought himself so he could enjoy it with Robert. As it was, his plans went all down the drain. So, instead, he ate his food, showered, changed and went to bed.

Unbeknownst to anyone, their whole conversation had been heard by Rolan Padalecki, Graham Padalecki’s youngest brother. He’d always been a little wary of Jared, Graham’s pride. Huh, if this was the pride, then he had to tell his brother of his offspring’s naughtiness. 


	4. Because It Was Never Meant To Be

**_“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.”_ **

**_\- Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath_ **

****

The next morning, as Jared walked into the main building to have breakfast with his family, he was confused to see each and every member of Padalecki family standing in the front yard with his father sitting in a chair and Robert kneeling in front of him. Dread filled Jared, as he tried to anticipate what would happened. When he actually was in sight of his father, Graham Padalecki called him, “Jared, I demand you tell me the truth.”

Jared was stumped. He didn’t know what his father was asking of him. He had an inkling though. But the moment he saw Robert, on his knees, shoulders slumped and his eyes red rimmed, he had all his answers. “D-dad…I can explain. Please just listen to me.” He tried his best not to break down.

“No, Jared Tristan Padalecki. You tell me if this guy offered for you hand in marriage or not?”

Jared took the opportunity and stood straight. He would have to make his father understand that Robert was _it_ for him. “Dad, it’s true. We love each other. I would rather be married to Robert than to someone whom I barely know. Besides, this is good Dad, you know Robert. You know him better than Ackles’ son and I would be happy with him…”

“That’s enough,” Graham Padalecki ordered in a loud voice. He stared at Jared for too long, as if he was peeling off a mask with his hard gaze and it burned Jared’s skin. Jared flinched and shut his mouth immediately. Senior Padalecki turned to Robert, “You, young man, broke your promise. I told you Jared is off limits and yet you pursued him even after I had specifically told you that he was promised to marry into the Ackles family. And you, Jared, how could you? You were my pride, my joy. I was so sure that of all of children you would never hurt me, never betray me and yet…” His eyes were shining with unshed tears. And Jared was numb.

Jared couldn’t believe his ears. He knew it would have been tough but to listen to the heartbreaking words was too much. “No, Dad, you have to understand…Robert, say something.” He pleaded with his friend to declare his undying love for Jared but he just sat there, his posture defeated. That’s when Jared realized that Robert had tried every trick and everything had backfired. “No, no, no, I refuse to abide by your laws and I refuse to bow down to your authority. I love him, Dad. And I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without him. Please, Dad…”

“Robert,” Senior Padalecki said with finality meeting Jared’s gaze full on as if challenging him to contradict, “You pack your bags and leave. You’ve got two hours. If I ever see you near this town ever again, I will ruin whatever reputation you’ve built around your name. Get out of my sight. Now!”

Jared pleaded and begged his father but it all went in vain. He rushed towards Robert, clinging to him, “No…No…I won’t let you go, stay please. Or I’m coming with you. I won’t let you go alone. I can’t…” He broke down sobbing into Robert’s shirt. “Why did you have to tell him, you moron? Why couldn’t you wait for me? We would have told him together.” 

Robert held Jared as close as he could given all the stares he was getting, “No, Jared, I didn’t tell him. It was your uncle. He saw us yesterday. But I can’t stay, Jared. Not now. Nor can you come with me. I’ve nothing to offer you,” Robert said, himself trying not to break down at least for the sake of Jared.

“No, no, no, no. You can’t do this to me. Why? Just please, why?”

“Because Jared, as your father said, I’m a nobody.” He sent a venomous look at Senior Padalecki and continued, “And I can’t provide for you. I’m a struggling artist. Plus, your father has already insulted me enough. I too have a pride you know. Your father has prohibited me from performing classical music so I have to prove myself based on my own knowledge of everything else. So, that’s what I’ll do. Know that I’ll love you.” He hugged Jared close, as close as he could get. After all, this was going to be his last time being in any physical contact with Jared. He lowered himself as close to Jared as he could and whispered, just so Jared could hear him, “Jared, when I make something of myself, in a matter of year, you come find me. We’ll keep in touch. I’ll always love you.” He smartly dropped a letter in Jared’s pocket and left, without giving a thought to Jared’s cries. 

That’s when Jared broke down completely. That’s when his father came to him and ordered him to marry Ackles as scheduled and do as decreed. He hid in his room, never coming out and never letting anyone in. Not even his sister. It took a lot of cajoling from his mother, Silvia Padalecki , for Jared to open up. She too was in pain and could not let her son drown when he could look forward to settling down with someone who might just help her son mend his broken heart. “Jared, I know, okay. I know, son, shh….” she said as he held her son close to her heart as he sobbed and sobbed questioning the rules of the society.

“Why, Mom. Why can’t I…just why?”

“Jared, son, you’re a special kid. And I know this society doesn’t treat you well but you can’t just give up, son. You have to live on. And you have to do as your father said.” It broke her heart to hear the intensified cries. She had to be strong though and anchor Jared.

“I can’t, Mom. I can’t…without him…how?” Jared sounded so young and scared, it took Silvia back to the days when Jared had broke his leg and at times would question why only he would have to fall off the bike and not his siblings. 

“You’ll be fine. I know it's hard. It might feel hard, but once you get over Robert and move on, it’ll all be like a bitter flashback. You just have to get through this, son. Just get through this.”

Silvia prayed to Lord, to give Jared the strength to deal with these tough times. That night she also encountered her husband, “How could you, Graham Jonathan Padalecki? How could you treat your own son like that? What made you into such a cold-hearted man?” she demanded the moment she stepped back into their bedroom.

“Calm down, Silvia…”

“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down, not when I had to hold my son while he cried his heart out and specifically not when I had to calm down and wipe off those gut wrenching sobs. It was I who had to force him to eat after I saw him thin and skinny, almost a zombie. His eyes, Graham. They’ve lost all their liveliness. It’s like he’s dead inside. And you are responsible for that. How could you do that to him?” Silvia wasn’t just angry. She was downright furious.

“Silvia, it’s for his own good. He could never have been happy with this Robert guy. He’s not the right guy for our Jared. He was arrogant and self-obsessed. He denied all the allegations initially, you know. But the moment I threatened to stop all his music lessons, only then did he cave. He wasn’t here to gain Jared’s love. No, he was here to break my pride. Which he did,” Graham Padalecki said with tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t let that guy ruin Jared’s life, Silvia. I couldn’t. That’s why I had to act cold-hearted. Please understand, I love Jared, probably more than any of my children. But this, I couldn’t see.” He let himself break into the arms of his wife.

“Oh God, Graham, what do we do? He’s just so broken.”

“He has to get himself out of it. And I know it’s gonna be hard. Maybe destiny wanted him to learn this lesson so that he could understand the meaning of love more clearly. That it’s not mere attraction but it also means sacrifice.” 

“Oh my baby…How can he come out of this? He’s lost hope, Graham”

“Jensen. He’s the answer to all our prayers, Silvia. He’s the one that Jared would find shelter in.”

“How can you be so sure? How do you know that he’s the right guy? What if he disowns Jared or worse…”

“I’ve known Ackles for too long. And I’ve seen Jensen work his charm many times. He’s a gentleman and it’s hard not to fall for the sweet-natured guy. I know him. He’ll mend our boy’s broken heart. Trust me.”

That night, the pair went to bed, trying to mend their heart hurting for their beloved son.


	5. Then I Met One Man

**“Well, the rain had stopped but the pain was still there.”**

**\- Charles Bukowski, Pulp**

As scheduled, the festivities of Jared’s grand wedding to Jensen Ackles began. There was a lot of shopping, a lot of decorations and a lot of excitement. And Jared abstained from all of it. He was still not happy about this arrangement. He secretly had hatched a plan. Once he got married, he would get in touch with Robert and once he got the address, he would run away, never to return.

Jared had seen Jensen just once and that too not for a long time. That’s why he was a bit taken aback when he saw him on the wedding day. The Ackles had reached the Padalecki Estate yesterday with all ladies welcoming the groom and his father by showering them with rose petals and lighting up the fire lamps to bless them with a long life on this auspicious occasion. The whole day passed in a blur for Jared. He was woken up early to get ready. He was given an exotic bath and then hurried off to get ready. Just as he walked down for the aisle, all he could think of was how unfair the whole marriage was.

Jared didn’t care about what he was doing. He was rather busy thinking of all the things that made him think of Robert. He was so engulfed in that thought that he didn’t know when the ceremony actually began. He almost seemed too uninterested in his own wedding which led to his mother poking him to bring back his attention to the present.

Jensen was so happy. He was on cloud nine. He was finally getting married, something he had been fantasizing about for many years. He had seen the relationship his parents had – built on mutual love, respect and care. He always wanted what his parents had and when he had been informed about the arrangement of his marriage to someone named Jared Padalecki, he had started dreaming about their life together immediately.

Jensen never had any expectations or specifics that he wanted in a partner like looks, height, behavior etc. Instead his only criteria had been that he’d love his better half irrespective of his attributes. He just needed someone who could love him, care for him, respect him just as much as Jensen would. It was one of the biggest reasons he’d been so enamored with Jared when he met him at the gala. Sweet Lord, his husband-to-be was so beautiful; tall, with shaggy brown hair, having a big and heart-melting smile with dimples. Add that to the fact that he had the sweetest of voices ever. Just overall, Jensen was smitten by the angel called Jared Padalecki. That was why he was excited and looked forward to spending the rest of his life with Jared, hopefully Jared Ackles.

Jensen looked entranced as he watched his groom walk down the aisle towards him on the stage, where he was seated on the makeshift ottoman. Jared looked beautiful to him, dressed in a white shirt and maroon jacket whereas Jensen was dressed in a light yellow shirt and a white jacket. He knew he was grinning like a madman, staring at this beautiful guy who was about to be his husband. The moment Jared sat down beside him, he leaned into his space and whispered a soft “Hi”. He didn’t get the reply he hoped for, instead, Jared just sat there, staring deep into space never even sparing a glance at Jensen.

Jensen was confused at first. But he let it slide as Jared being nervous and afraid, what with leaving his family and coming to live with Jensen and his family. Jared was bound to be scared – he was practically leaving his comfort zone to join his husband in the ties of holy matrimony. That’s why Jensen decided not to bug Jared and focused on the ceremony instead.

Once they both were seated, the priest asked them to slide closer to each other. Jensen did as told but Jared didn’t move. He seemed a little off to Jensen. He saw Jared’s mother poking him from behind and watched as Jared immediately scrambled to comply with the priest’s orders. Then the priest started the ceremony.

“We’ve gathered here today to join these two lost souls in the bond of holy matrimony. I call upon the Lord to bless these two halves of one soul to unite and become one – to shine as bright as a supernova.”

The priest brought over an iron triangle and placed a basil tree on it. Then he proceeded further. “Now I call upon groom Jensen to please hold his palm open upon the tree.”

Jensen did as told.

“Now I call upon groom Jared to hold his palm open over groom Jensen’s”

Jared did as told animatedly.

The priest pressed their palms together and recited a prayer.

_On this auspicious time of your wedding,_

_In order to get the strength from the stars and moon,_

_In order to get the strength from knowledge,_

_Worship the Lord,_

_For the auspicious moment has come._

_Blessed be, the couple._

Jensen was so gleeful. He had dreamed of this moment for so long. And to have finally lived it, was too emotional of a moment for him. He kept glancing back at his partner and to him, Jared seemed a little bit distant and disinterested. Maybe he was sick…Jensen mused.

The priest drew his attention back to the ceremony as he poured water over their palms. “May the love between you two be perennial as water.”

“Blessed be,” everyone else chanted as they tossed rose petals in their direction.

The priest then took a pinch of vermillion and drew circles on both their palms. “May this vermillion be the symbol of your eternity.”

“Blessed be,” everyone chanted and showered them with rose petals. 

The priest then took a red thread and tied it around their wrist. “May this thread bind you into the unbreakable bond of love.”

“Blessed be,” everyone chanted and showered them with rose petals. 

Then the priest lit the lamp of fire and moved it in circles in front of their hands. “May this flame of fire ~~,~~ bless you with long life and prosperity.”

“Blessed be,” everyone else chanted and showered them with rose petals. 

And finally, he broke the thread and put the box of two golden rings in their palms. “I now ~~,~~ ask the grooms to exchange the rings please.”

Jensen went first as he took out the ring with shaking hands and placed it on Jared’s finger. When it was Jared’s turn though, his actions were so closed off as if he wanted to be done with this ceremony as fast as possible. Jensen just chalked it up to Jared being sick. Because, this time, to Jensen, he actually felt sick. His face mirroring pain and uncertainty. Before Jensen could delve deeper into that beautiful face, his attention was grabbed back by the priest as he asked them both to stand up. .

“Groom Jensen, repeat after me,” and Jensen said what he was told to.

“I, Jensen, take thee Jared, as my lawfully wedded husband. I vow to nourish you, to grow together in strength with you, to share our joys and sorrows, to care for our children and to be friends forever and be together life long.”

“Blessed be,” everyone chanted.

“Now, Groom Jared, repeat after me,”

“I, Jared….”

Jensen was shocked for a minute as Jared stared at his ring and said nothing. After a second, his mother once again poked him and he looked up, startled. When Jared realized that he’d missed his cue, he looked a little sheepish. “Sorry,” he said and repeated after the priest. “I, Jared, take thee Jensen, as my lawfully wedded husband. I vow to nourish you, to grow together in strength with you, to share our joys and sorrows, to care for our children and to be friends forever and be together life long.”

“Blessed be,” everyone chanted.

“By the blessings of the Lord above, I now declare you two as married and tied in the sacred bond for the rest of your lives. Congratulations.” ~~.~~ The priest finally declared.

Jensen was giddy with joy as he firmly took his husband’s - _oh God, his husband –_ hand in his and walked down towards the aisle to seek the blessings of everyone in attendance. He was over the moon. He couldn’t wait to get to know Jared better and start his new life.

The rest of the day went without a hitch. The reception was great as everyone congratulated them. They looked like a perfect match, they were told. And Jensen hoped that he would prove just enough for his husband just as his husband was for him. And nowhere, during the entire ceremony did Jensen think, even for one moment that the guy he called his husband never had plans to stick around with him for the rest of his life.


	6. I Called Him Husband

**“As might be expected, he was given to bouts of very purposeful ignorance, and tended to pass over the harsher truths of human nature in favor of those that could be romanticized by whimsy and imagination.”**

**\- Eleanor Catton, The Luminaries**

It had been three days since Jared had officially moved into the Ackles’ Estate as Jensen’s husband. He worried constantly that maybe his husband would force him to spend time together. Instead he found Jensen to be quite the shy and silent type. He would always try to make small talk and never cross his limits. He gave Jared all the space he needed and never once did Jensen touch him without his consent. It threw Jared off a bit as he experienced this side of Jensen. He was patient and kind of adorable when he would get all flustered trying to talk with Jared. But Jared’s thoughts always revolved around his plans to get in touch with Robert. That was why he found himself fortunate enough when his husband declared that he had an emergency meeting to attend and wouldn’t be there to take a look at their newly designed quarters, where Jensen and Jared would live. It gave him ample opportunity to do things that he hoped would yield desired results for him.

The second Jensen left for the meeting, he ran towards the quarters ~~,~~ with a notepad and pen. Their quarters were situated to the left of the main building about 12 yards away. From the very first look of it, Jared was stupefied. The structure was a mixture of stone and wood and was the size of a Yorkshire cottage. There was a small black iron gate that led into the cottage. On both sides of the gate ~~,~~ stood the compound wall adorned with fancy lights. The structure was beautiful, with a big garden that had various plants planted on either side of the stone pathway that led Jared to the front door. He opened the door and entered the cottage. He stepped into the foyer and observed that to his left was the living room and to his right, the kitchen.Three feet away from him was a staircase that he guessed would lead to the master bedroom. He stepped into the living room first. The walls were painted cream and brown to match the wooden floor and the ceiling. It was yet to be furnished but Jared could see himself decorating it to his liking. He checked out the kitchen and saw it being painted in cream. Plus the dining area was painted in creamy yellow. Only the cabinets and dining table along with the kitchen counter was done. The kitchen counter was black granite whereas the cabinets were grey and the dining table was mahogany. To the right of the dining area were big French doors that opened up to the backyard. To the right of the backyard was the garage and driveway. Just like the entrance, the backyard too had a small pathway that led to the end of the compound wall. The back gate was big though and Jared could see miles of green lands that were part of Ackles Estate. He could see the servant’s and guard’s quarters to the far sight. It was pretty mesmerizing.

Jared walked up the staircase curious to know what other surprises were left for him. There were three bedrooms on the floor. There was one to his left, next to his right and the master bedroom at the end, every room was diagonally opposite to each other. They were small and were painted white and a bit unfinished. The master bedroom, though, was unlike the one Jared saw. It was huge, with an attached master bath that had a huge shower on one end and opposite to it was a big bathtub. The walk-in closet was partition, clearly made keeping in mind the need of two men. The walls of the room were painted sage green and cream. There was a fireplace and big windows to each side of the bed. The rest of the room wasn’t furnished yet but Jared could imagine himself living in this beautiful place.

Jared was forced out of his musings when his phone beeped. That reminded him of the fact that Robert had changed his number and was out of Jared’s reach. He had no other option but to write a letter. The message on his screen was from Myra, informing of an anonymous letter being posted in his name which his sister had intercepted for him. The message informed him that Myra was sending the letter along with her driver who would hand it over to Jared. Jared quickly typed message telling her to ask her driver to meet him at the cottage. He also made sure to inform the guard that his sister had sent some of Jared’s belongings through her driver so the car and driver were to be let in directly to the cottage. He relaxed once his sister replied that she made sure the driver knew everything was to be executed discreetly.

Jared was lost in marveling at the huge structure and felt bad for Jensen. It was obvious that it had been constructed with great care and love so that they could both live together. Jensen had mentioned that he hadn’t furnished it yet because he wanted to do that with Jared. It was going to be their home after all. It was a moot point though, since Jared wasn’t going to stay and that’s why he felt guilty for leading Jensen on, when he planned on fleeing, leaving behind a husband that he promised to love and cherish.

Jared was so lost in his thoughts that he never heard Jensen’s car and his sister’s car entering the driveway at the same time. He also didn’t notice Jensen asking for the driver to hand over Jared’s belongings to him and letting him go. That was why he was shocked to see an angry and teary eyed Jensen standing right behind him, as he turned to leave. His husband’s face was full of hurt and anger. At first Jared didn’t understand much but then his eyes fell on what was in Jensen’s hands. Jensen was holding a piece of paper with fury in his eyes. _Oh shit,_ Jensen had read the letter.

Jensen had been really sad that he might not be able to accompany Jared to the cottage. He had built it with care and love, with a hope that he and his husband would decorate their house together. They were strangers, therefore Jensen didn’t know anything about his husband’s likes and dislikes. He wanted the house to include Jared’s taste and his ideas. That’s why he had decided not to furnish anything other than the kitchen and master bedroom. He wanted to be there to note Jared’s every expression and every reaction to the house he had built. He wished that at least this visit would help them get to know each other. So far, Jared had been distant and Jensen understood that. After all, it was all new for his husband and he was suddenly living with strangers. He was hoping that this day could be the start of something new.

Jensen made it quickly out of the meeting, hoping to surprise his husband. Instead he found a driver arguing with his guard near the back entrance to the cottage. He quickly approached them.

“Hey, what’s all the fuss about? Who are you?”

“Afternoon, Mr. Ackles. This guy’s just …” But the guard was interrupted by the driver.

“I’m Ronald, Mr. Ackles, driver to Ms. Myra Padalecki. She sent me here to hand over the things of her brother,” the driver answered, showing Jensen a bag full of some scarves and woolen jackets.

“Okay. I’m here already. In fact I’m about to meet Jared so I can hand it over to him safely,” Jensen quipped.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I was specifically given instructions to hand this package only to your husband.”

Jensen was getting irritated with the guy’s refusal. He came home early to spend some quality time with Jared not to indulge into petty issues. “Look, Ronald, I’m the husband of the person to whom this package belongs. So, I’m pretty sure that I’m about the safest person other than Jared to handle his belongings. Trust me, I’ll give these things over to Jared without losing them.”

“B-but I was told to…”

“Ronald, either handover them or get out. Your decision,” Jensen replied sternly. He was getting itchy to be with Jared, running out of patience. He observed as the driver looked at him resigned and handed over the bag. He waited a few minutes then slowly got an envelope out of his shirt pocket and hesitatingly handed over to Jensen.

“T-this letter is confidential and meant only for Mr. Jared. Please make sure you give this to him. Ms. Padalecki said it’s important and is to be only opened by her brother. So, please…”

“Goodness gracious, don’t worry, I’ll hand it over to him. Now leave while I find my husband.” Jensen snatched the letter and headed towards their cottage. Halfway through though, he got curious. What could be so confidential that Myra wanted to hand-deliver it through her personal driver? Was something wrong with her? Was she facing a problem? In that case, it’d be better if Jensen knew what the problem was. He had resources and he could definitely help her out.

He entered the cottage and left the baggage on the kitchen counter. He slowly opened the letter and started reading as he walked towards the staircase. What he read burned him to his core. It was a love letter, rather than a series of letters written to Jared, narrating their whole story. He didn’t understand how life could be so cruel to him? What had he ever done to warrant this? Why was this happening to him? He couldn’t understand anything. But as he read the words twice, thrice tears of shame and embarrassment, anger and fury slid down his face.

It was the last letter that broke the backbone though, as he tumbled down the emotional ride.

_Hey, Jared._

_This is Robert. I hope you haven’t forgotten me._

_Jared I want you to know that I understand why you stayed back and didn’t fight me. You had to honor your family after all. Especially your father. But baby, know, that, in my heart, you’ll be forever with me._

_I know I told you that I’ll be waiting for you to approach me once my career takes off_ _. But I can’t wait far too long. I know I told you to run away from Deccan and find me in York city. But there has been a change of plans_ _. I’ve been offered a record and I’ll be giving my first ever performance soon in the city of Mont Monac. Please be there, Jared._

_When you meet me, I’ll never let you go, I promise. We’ll elope to another county where we can seek legal help. There are activists who are trying to help people like us. We’ll get married then and spend the rest of our lives together._

_Yours,_

_Robert_

_P.S. I love you._

Jensen heard a startled gasp and slowly looked at the man who had betrayed him. Jared was no longer the man Jensen believed him to be. He was a liar and a cheater. His husband with whom Jensen had been planning his future with, was already planning to leave him. Jared was never going to stay with him. Jared was going to leave him. The thought cut him deep, so deep that Jensen thought he’d never recover from the wound. He looked at his husband who was pale and shivering like a leaf.

“J-jen-sen, please, I can explain…”

And Jensen exploded. “Explain what? That you never planned on staying married or how you’re planning to leave me? Or how you never wanted to get married?”

Every accusation made, hit Jared hard. He didn’t know why he was feeling guilty after all he was the victim here. But he still couldn’t shake the sense of guilt. “I-I…”

“Oh god, you never wanted to marry me, did you? You married me against your will. You’re in love with this Robert guy. Jesus.” The sudden realization hit Jensen hard. He tried swallowing down the lump in his throat but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. He choked as he saw the guilt on his husband’s face or the way he was stammering as if he was having a hard time answering his questions.

“Jensen, please…Just listen to me…I’m sorry…I”

“That’s why you looked unhappy on the day of our marriage! My God!” Jensen now understood why Jared had been acting so weird. He wasn’t nervous, hell not even sick, like Jensen had initially thought. Oh no, Jared was sad and resigned because he was forced to marry Jensen.

Jensen was crushed. His married life turned out to be the exact opposite of what he had dreamed it would be. He’d never find a partner in Jared. He’d never get to love Jared. He’d never be the best husband ever. He’d never even get to be the one to touch Jared. Because Jared already belonged to another.


	7. I Betrayed Him, His Trust

**_What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.”_ **

**_\- Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil_ **

Jensen couldn’t stand and look at Jared now that he knew his husband was never going to be his – ever. He couldn’t stand here and ask Jared why he’d been so cruel to Jensen. He felt like he was falling into a bottomless pit. He knew he had the right to break Jared and will him to stay married, but he was a better person. He couldn’t look at Jared and break down in front of him. So, Jensen ran, only stopping at his father’s office. Fortunately for him, his father was right there and was alone. He did the only thing he was capable of, he threw himself into his father’s arms and cried until he could no longer shed any tears.

Andrew Ackles was going through some peppers in his office when his middle child stormed into his office, closing the door behind him; his demeanor full of misery. Andrew was taken aback. He’d never seen Jensen look so hopeless. His son was shy and reserved but he had never seen Jensen this upset over anything. Not even when he was bullied for being a shy, nerdy guy in high school. He immediately stood up and stilled for a second when unexpectedly Jensen embraced him tightly. He held his son, without asking anything, knowing that once he painful sobs subside, he’d tell the details on his own. It was hard for him to see his son’s breakdown not understanding the reason behind it.

They both stood there for what seemed like hours and finally when he felt his son was no longer crying, he broke the hug and gave him a glass of water to drink. He pushed Jensen down on the corner seat near the window and asked, “What’s the matter, son?”

That was the only trigger Jensen needed and he narrated the whole incident. Jensen’s eyes stung and his throat dried out as he finished telling his father what had transpired that afternoon. He felt a little lighter now that he had shared his burden with his father. Growing up, he’d always been a momma’s boy but his Father had been his true friend. Whenever he needed advice or needed inspiration, he’d always sought out his father. That’s why his immediate reaction had been to approach his father. Now, he was glad he had done what he had.

“So, Jared’s planning on leaving you?” Andrew Ackles asked, stunned with the knowledge.

“Yeah” Jensen croaked.

“And his father knew and never told us anything?” Andrew was seriously considering choking Graham Padalecki for doing this to his son.

“It seems so,” Jensen replied.

His father let out a long sigh. “So, what have you decided to do, son?”

“I-I …”

“Tell me, Jensen. I’ll support you no matter what.”

“He’s not happy with me, Dad. And what’s the meaning of this marriage if he’s never gonna be happy with me?”

“So, you plan to…” His father persuaded him to continue.

“I don’t…I plan to make him happy, Dad.”

Andrew was perplexed. “Jensen, you’re not making sense. The boy’s in love with someone. You just told me that. And he's never going to be happy living with you, that’s obvious. But, how do you plan on making him happy?” He was seriously confused as to what his son was planning on doing. It took his father some time, but it finally clicked when his father looked at him with sympathy and pity in his eyes as he said, “You’re planning to reunite the two of them.”

“Yes, I am. I’m supposed to go on a vacation with Jared anyway. That way everyone will think we’re having fun. Whereas I’ll in fact be helping Jared find this Robert guy.”

“That’s not all though, Jensen. That’s not the only thing you plan on doing. What’s exactly on your mind?”

“No, I’m thinking maybe I’ll try to get to know him better. So maybe he would…”

“Fall for you instead.” His father looked at him with something like awe and approval before he spoke again. “That’s good, Jensen. But what if you fail to pique Jared’s interest in you? What then?”

“Well, then it’ll be my failure that would lead to Jared’s happiness. I’m not going to force him, Dad. That’s not me. I always thought that my marriage would be based on the foundations of mutual give and take. I wanted a marriage based on love and happiness. If my husband is not happy with me then I have to let him go, don’t I? I vowed to make him happy, Dad. So, if my plans fail then I’ll let him go…”

Jensen felt silent and Andrew was proud to have a son courageous and strong as Jensen. “You already love him, don’t you?”

“Huh..” Jensen gave a dry laugh, “It's hard not to. What have I gotten myself into, Dad? Why can’t my husband love me, Dad? Why can’t Jared be mine? Is something wrong with me?” Jensen asked his father in a miserable voice. Hurt and agony clear in his voice.

Andrew’s heart hurt for his son. He stood up and embraced his son, who was sobbing into his chest. And for a second time that day, he wished that Jensen was just a toddler so that a kiss on his boo boo could take all the heartache away. He kissed his son’s temple and held him tight. “I don’t know why Jared did what he did. What I do know is that you’re a strong, brave and kind man, Jensen. You’re more than enough and if Jared can’t see that then its his loss. I’m proud of you, son. Remember, whatever happens, me and your mother, love you and support you. Always.”


	8. I Was Oblivious To His Pain

**“If he touched her, he couldn’t talk to her, if he loved her he couldn’t leave, if he spoke he couldn’t listen, if he fought he couldn’t win.”**

**\- Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things**

When Jensen got back to his suite, he saw Jared pacing in the hallway. It broke his heart to see Jared. They were supposed to be together forever. Now though, Jensen was almost 99% sure that the forever belonged to Jared and this guy…Robert.

Jared had been a basket case the rest of the day. Jensen had suddenly disappeared and he was left alone to deal with all the guilty and scary thoughts. What if now Jensen won’t let him out of this relationship? Would Jensen force him? Would all the Ackles now gang up against him? There were so many questions and the answers to which were unknown. That’s why he rushed over to Jensen the moment he saw him standing in the room.

“Jensen, look, I know you think I was wrong, but you need to understand. I was my father’s poster child and I had to honor and respect his word. But I also can’t overlook the fact that this is a marriage that happened against my will. I was forced into this bond, Jensen. I know I wasn’t supposed to but how is it my mistake if my heart unknowingly fell in love? I can’t do this. I’m sorry. And I was gonna tell you this, before I leave. I mean obviously not in person. But I can’t be the husband you want, even if you decide to force me into this relationship. I just…”

“Jared you’re rambling. Calm down and sit down. We need to talk.”

Jared gulped and did as he was told, trying not to notice the heartbreak and pain on Jensen’s face.

“So, you’re obviously unhappy and were forced into this marriage. I don’t care for the details and I don’t even wanna know. What I just want you to know is that in the next two days, we’re gonna fly to Mount Monac so that you can meet Robert. I’ll help you find him. I promised to cherish you and keep you happy. It’s my responsibility, as your husband, as temporary as I may be, to ensure your happiness. And if this guy makes you happy then I’m gonna help you reunite.”

Jared was stunned into silence. He couldn’t believe his ears. He’d been ready for all the accusations and punishments to be dictated but this – this was unbelievable. “Yo-you..You’d do that for m-me? R-really?”

“Yeah, really, Jared. Now go start packing. You’ll be leaving permanently so you obviously have a lot to pack. I’ve spoken to my travel agent and we’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow. Go, get going.” It physically made him nauseous to say the words but he had to. For Jared. Anything for Jared.

Jared couldn’t believe it. Still in shock, he hugged his husband out of happiness. “Thank you, Jensen. Thank you so much.”

No one should fault Jensen if he clinged to Jared just for an extra minute. For he knew he’d never be allowed to touch him so this was like a cherry atop a sundae. When Jared got a little uncomfortable, they broke apart.

Jared saw Jensen’s eyes were shiny which was obviously because of Jared. He felt so shitty doing this. He still couldn’t figure out the confusing emotions going through him. But he was happy. In fact giddy with the knowledge that he was finally going to meet Robert soon.

It was unlike anything. Most of their journey was spent in silence. But every now and then Jensen would stare at Jared, making him uncomfortable and when he’d look up, hoping to catch Jensen, his husband would shy away, turning pink at having been caught.

Jensen had booked them an apartment and a rental car had been hired. It was comfortable. What Jared didn’t miss was the fact that the apartment had two rooms. So, when he had asked Jensen perplexed about it, the answer had once again stunned him to silence.

“We’re just staying under one roof, Jared. That doesn’t mean we have to play happy couple. This ain’t Ackles Estate. You can have your privacy. I won’t bother you.”

“But Jensen, we could have booked a one room apartment too. It could have saved you a lot of money. And I don’t mind sharing a bed. As long as we don’t cross the limits.”

“Jared. It’s my money so I can spend it as and when I like. Besides, the problem is not if you mind sharing a bed, the problem is it’ll be hard for me to know that I can’t hold you or touch you like a husband should. The two rooms are not for your comfort Jared. Well, partly they are, but they’re for me. It’s a reminder that I’m just a temporary husband. It’ll help me when we separate. Please don’t make this any harder for me than it already is, Jared. Enjoy your privacy.” Jensen begged softly and disappeared in his room.

That was the first argument they had. Well, after the whole fiasco. Of course.


	9. I Hurt Him When He Was Hurting Already

**“A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world.”**

**\- Jack Kerouac, On the Road**

The first week they spent exploring the city and Jared quickly found Jensen had a knack for photography. He would click pictures anytime he found a memorable moment. What Jared didn’t know was Jensen would secretly capture Jared’s picture, whenever the man looked a bit entranced. Living with Jensen was easy because Jared found out, Jensen was an easy going guy. He cherished every small moment in life and loved to scribble down something in his diary every day.

They were sitting at a dinner when Jensen just popped the question out of the blue.”Why agree to get married when you planned on leaving anyway?”

Jared put his fork down and nervously wiped his hands and mouth with the napkin. “Well…our marriage was fixed already without me knowing. It was a very sudden development and I had to honor my father’s words. So, I agreed to marry you.”

“And this was before you met this…Robert guy?” Disdain for Robert was very clear in his voice.

“Jensen, you have to understand that I didn’t plan to fall for him. It just happened. And unfortunately my father came to know about us and he prohibited me from marrying him. My father always thought that Robert was too good to be believed and he wasn’t the right man for me. But I was happy with him. He made me happy.”

Jensen felt his throat closing in. How he wished he was the one that would invoke such strong emotions in Jared. Alas! He was a late entry in Jared’s life. “An-and you or your father never thought to inform us?”

“My father’s honor was at stake, Jensen. How could I? Especially when I didn’t know you from Adam. I was terrified that if I let my secret out, I’d be disowned or hell punished for what I did. Besides, what would you have done with the knowledge? Refused to marry me? Yeah, that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid.” Jared was getting irritated with this interrogation rather quickly.

But Jensen held on. He had to find out the truth after all. “I would have helped you Jared. Helped you track down your friend. Then I wouldn’t have been led on and already dreaming or planning my future with you. I invested a lot of my energy and time with the idea of finally getting a life partner. Had you told me I never would have gotten involved in you emotionally. You should have…” Jensen was too vulnerable to continue.

Jared understood that Jensen had hit a raw nerve. He felt really guilty for doing this to Jensen. He was obviously upset over being tricked. “You have to understand Jensen, I didn’t plan this. Hell, before Robert, I was supposed to marry you and play the nice husband. But love changes you, Jensen. You won’t understand now but once you fall in love with someone, you’ll understand.”

 _I understand. Better than you could ever. Because I’m in love with you, you big idiot. And that’s why I’m doing this for. I want you to be happy. I did this to see you happy because knowing your happiness isn’t with me was the most horrible feeling ever. I can’t stand the thought of you belonging to another yet I’m ready to do that. For your sake. I’m ready to let you go. For your sake. So, that’s why I understand better than you, Jared. Because I’m in love with you.”_ Jensen wanted to shout. Instead he just said, “Yeah” and went back to eating.

That night, Jensen couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed for a while. He finally gave up and pulled out his diary from his closet. The moment he had a pen in his hand, the words flew out without a pause as his eyes drenched the paper in tears.

_This lonely heart was given a life by your love,_

_But your love instead stabbed my heart,_

_Suffering too much, this heart sighs,_

_You have punished me with your love, my beloved_

_What wrong had I done?_

_I’m betrayed_

_Betrayed in your love, beloved._

_Love is strange, my beloved_

_It gives fleeting moments of happiness,_

_Then a treasure full of sorrow_

_Then comes the loneliness,_

_Sometimes tears, Sometimes a sigh of distress,_

_Sometimes complaints, sometimes grief_

_I can picture your face, my beloved,_

_During the brightness of the day,_

_The memories of you, make me suffer,_

_Those memories of yours, make me suffer,_

_In the darkness of the night_

_I can picture your face_

_Shivering a lot, my heart sighs, my beloved_

_I’m betrayed,_

_Betrayed in your love, beloved_

_If I ever find the Lord,_

_I’ll ask Him that,_

_When you made my body with sand,_

_Why did you make my heart with glass?_

_If it wasn’t enough, you gave it feelings_

_Feelings that make my heart fall in love_

_Oh the feelings, they make my heart ache_

_Such is my fate_

_Sometimes, there is a union and then a separation_

_Is this what love is all about?_

_Sobbing a lot, my heart sighs,_

_You have punished me with your love, beloved_

_What wrong had I done?_

_I’m betrayed_

_Betrayed in your love, my beloved._

When Jensen stopped, his diary spoke of the feelings of betrayal and sorrow; of having lost his love even before gaining it first. He stared down at his words, his vision a little blurry, as he thought of their conversation back at the dinner. He closed the diary and placed it back in his closet. That night, sleep didn’t come for long as he lay in bed, crying his heart out. 


	10. I Hurt Him Again And Again

**“I thought surely you’d built a new life, with no room in it for me.”**

**\- Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night**

Jared and Jensen were going to the music gallery that day. They had to take the train. It was a three hour drive and Jensen had suggested they go by train instead of a one and half hour journey. So, Jared was okay with it. The fact that Jensen immediately went for his camera didn’t escape him. Why did Jensen become a lawyer when he could have been a photographer instead? He figured he had the whole 1.5 hrs to understand that.

They walked up to the station and caught the next train. They were given the side berths. As they sat opposite each other, Jensen couldn’t help but observe that his husband was rather an extrovert - a beautiful balloon, which sadly Jensen wasn’t allowed to have. It pained him every time Jensen thought about Jared. The heartache was like a constant companion with him. He knew it would never leave him but he hoped to god that it’d get better with time.

“So, why be a lawyer when you are clearly interested in photography?” Jared questioned as he observed the beauty that Jensen was. _Wait what? Beauty?_ Well, his husband was unreasonably beautiful.

“I have an interest in photography? How’d you know?”

“Jensen, it’s not hard to decipher when you roam around with the camera all the time. Besides, whenever you’re clicking a picture it’s like your face lights up with a smile so big, it could shame the Sun.”

Jared’s honest declaration was a bit heart warming. It felt like all his life, this had been the best compliment he’d ever received. He blushed red, unknown to the inner turmoil happening in his husband’s head , “Yeah, I guess…You see photography is just that – a hobby. Its not something I wanted to cream money out of. I like observing people and picturing the best moments. But it’s enough to enjoy the small moments in life. Say a child’s laughter, or the heart eyes of the couple as they dance, or the smile on your face…I enjoy it. Just like golf. It’s a stress reliever. Being a lawyer is something I’ve looked up to since I was a little kid. I looked up to my father and all the people he saved. That’s what motivated me to become a lawyer.”

Jared was once again awed with the simple answer. Jensen really was a simple man who enjoyed the sweet joy’s in life. He was patient and clear headed. There were no conflicts about anything in Jensen’s mind. He was as clear and frank as he could. Jared knew he had something rare in Jensen. They don’t make men like this anymore. He wished he could at least be Jensen’s friend if not his husband.

“So, why music?” Jensen questioned.

“Well, I had a passion for the beat since I was a child. I used to beat the table with the spoon anytime I sat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. My father got me drums when I was a toddler. Plus, my father had a wonderful voice. I don’t remember a single day when he didn’t sing me a song to get me to sleep every night. I wanted to be just like him. So,…”

Talking about his father still hurts. He had stopped talking to Jared after all. And he didn’t want to damage the mood Jensen was in by pouring his feelings out so he diverted the topic. 

“So, what type of cases do you handle?”

“I handle property disputes and economic offenses mostly. But I don’t shy away from handling family disputes or divorce cases. Our firm has started a NGO that works for the equal rights of people who have entered into a love marriage. We help them settle down without any hindrance, give them free legal aid. We also help those abused spouses who’ve been beaten to submission or forced into a marriage.”

Jared wondered if there was anything his husband wasn’t involved in. The Ackles were known to be big investors, they had practically invested in everything. Apart from that they were great golfers. Jensen’s immediate cousin was a title winning golf champion. Jensen himself liked to play golf as Jared had encountered his husband playing on the second day of residing at the Ackles Estate. His husband had looked so good, all drenched in sweat, his skin a bit tan and sun kissed. Jared had taken his fill and then had excused himself to get back to the chores as Diana Ackles had taken him to visit the whole Estate.

“You help those in love?” Jared asked in a soft voice. That’s why Jensen had insisted he should have told him about Robert; it dawned on Jared.

“I could have. Even now, I can, only it’ll be a bit complicated. You see, had you told me about Robert before, you’d never have to go through with divorce proceedings, now though…”

“I have a legal battle to go through…”

“Well, not exactly a battle. I’m a lawyer and your husband Jared. I vowed to ease you through the pain. That’s what I’m gonna do. I’ll make it easy for you. You would never have to wait for a divorce for a long time. I’ll make it quick for you. Don’t worry.” It burned Jensen’s tongue to speak those heartbreaking words, but he did it. For Jared. Anything For Jared.

Jared was too emotional to reply so he just gave his husband a grateful smile and looked out the window. To Jensen, he looked beautiful. Dressed in a black tee and navy jacket, his hair bouncy and a red blush coating his fair skin because of the emotional tears, Jared looked so good. Jensen could stare at him all day. He was interrupted all too soon as they reached their destination and headed for the gallery.

Jared was frustrated. The visit to the gallery had been hopeless. So were their stops to every other music store. His final hope was dashed as even at the post office and residency department, they hadn’t found any trace of Robert Miller. They had wasted another week looking for Robert only to come up empty handed. That’s why he had locked himself up in his room the moment they had arrived back in the apartment.

Jensen knew his husband was losing hope. It must be hard for Jared, he could understand. Coming so close to finding him yet being out of reach was a feeling known to him very well. He was in fact one of the victim’s of the feeling. So, he decided to take Jared for a walk along the market.

“Come on, let's do some shopping. It’ll be good. I promise”

“Jensen, I don’t think…”

“Oh come on, for me…hell I’m bored. We’ve been working nonstop. I just want some leisure time.”

And Jared had agreed reluctantly.

Jensen had hoped that the walk would cheer Jared up but instead it turned out to be one of the biggest nightmares of Jensen’s life.

They were walking towards the street through the alley when they were mugged. Jensen gave the guy all that he asked – money, wallet, his watch. But the robber managed to strike Jared when Jensen was too slow to take out his wallet. Jensen watched as Jared’s head hit the wall and he went down unconscious.

Jensen was a mess, he didn’t care that the robber was gone, his first priority had been his husband. He carried his husband princess style and raced to the street hoping to find some help. A passerby spotted him immediately and drove them to the hospital. All the while, Jensen was talking to his unconscious husband.

“You’re ok, Jared. Everything’s gonna be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promised to keep you safe, right. Just hang on. I’ll get you better.” Jensen kissed his husband on the forehead as he blabbered.

Once in the hospital, they immediately wheeled Jared into the emergency room. Jensen stood there, still reeling through the shock. It felt like hours before the doctor emerged.

“Mr. Ackles. I’m Dr. D’souza. I assume that’s your husband in the room.”

“Yes, he’s my husband. How is he? Is he fine? Is it serious? “

“No, nothing like that. He hit his head pretty hard. But we’ve scanned for all the things and his reports seem normal. He may have a concussion though. Rest, he looks fine.”

“Oh thank God. Can I see him?”

“Yeah. He’s sedated though. So, be careful. He’ll wake up once the drug wears off.”

“Yeah. Fine by me.”

He entered the hospital room to find his husband looking pale and white in the big bed. The look didn’t suit him. His Jared looked wonderful when he was up and smiling. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and held Jared’s hand. “I was really scared, you doofus. I could have lost you…” A single tear strolled down his face. “I can’t lose you. I need you in my life, however you are. I love you, Jay.” Jensen kissed his husband lightly on the lips, savoring the moment, knowing he wouldn’t be allowed to do it again. “Please wake up soon.”

Jensen spent the night at the hospital, sleeping in the chair, his head on the bed and holding Jared’s hand.

“Jensen…” The soft voice woke him up.

“Jay… Oh my God, Jay…you’re awake. Wait. I’ll call the doctor.”

“Hey, Jensen, it’s okay. I’ve been up for an hour and the doctor already checked me up. I have a bit of a concussion and my head hurts but I’m fine.”

“Really?” Jensen asked, a bit shaken.

“Yes, really. Now you go and get a shower and I won’t take no for an answer.”

And Jensen was hopeless in front of those big puppy dog eyes. So he went to their apartment and showed ad changed, took his diary and got back. When he entered the room, Jared was sound asleep. That was good. It gave him some time to scribble down in the diary.

All in all, Jared was kept for observation for two days and Jensen never ever wanted the big man to be in the hospital ever again.

The next day, Jared was going to be discharged so Jensen went out to the florist to bring him flowers. As he was deciding between orchids and lilies or roses, he heard a melody coming from the coffee shop behind him. He picked the flowers and went to the shop to get himself a cup of coffee. He took a seat and observed a man trying to get a crowd of five people to sing along with him. It was fun to watch the off key singers singing in tune with the guy who was obviously a singer.

He spotted Jensen and approached him. “Hey big guy, join in”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Oh come on, sing along… The moon is hiding in the clouds…’

It was really not needed but he sang along just to get rid of the annoying guy. It didn’t feel weird though. It was obviously the song meant for someone who was special to the guy. As the show ended, the guy gave out his name as Rob and told Jensen he should practice more as he left.

The guy had been tall…not taller than his husband though. He had a loud voice and Jensen found his brand to be obviously annoying and brash but it didn’t dampen his mood. His husband was doing okay and was getting out of hospital today. He drank his now cold coffee rather quickly and headed towards the hospital humming the stupid song all the way.


	11. Because I Couldn’t See How Much He Loved Me

**“Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don’t last your whole life.”**

**\- Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera**

Jensen entered his room while Jared was getting ready. His husband was about to be discharged today. One look at his beautiful husband and he couldn’t stop himself from humming the song he had just learned.

_The moon is hiding in the clouds,_

_Its feeling shy, my love_

_Come in my arms ,_

_Twisting around in my arms, my love………_

Jared still couldn’t fathom what he just heard. His husband was humming the song that Robert had specifically composed for Jared. “What tune did you just sing?”

Jensen didn’t know what brought this up, at least Jared was speaking to him. “Yeah, I was out getting you these flowers when I met a crazy guy. He said his name was Rob. He actually ….” He stopped abruptly. He could see the shining eyes of his husband and he knew. He kept staring into those beautiful eyes for a minute and then ran from the room. Jensen ran on instinct and as fast as he could. He reached the coffee shop where he had met the guy, but currently he wasn’t there. He rounded the corner but couldn’t find him. He went back to the florist shop again and tried asking the florist if he had seen a guy, about 6.2’’ tall with brown eyes, somewhat loud voice. The florist denied knowing him, but he was approached by a tiny woman in a black dress. “Excuse me, are you looking for a guy named Robert?”

Jensen didn’t know how to respond, he was too dazed, “Uuumm, Yeah. Yeah, I guess…”

“And may I ask why exactly?”

“Yeah, My Hu…” Jensen stopped himself. His reason wouldn’t be appreciated, as the society wasn’t yet as open minded as he was. “My friend…is a friend of his and he suddenly disappeared. He’s worried and we both set out to look for him.” He hoped as hell that this would be sufficient and the woman would buy it. Jensen had a sense that this woman somehow would be the answer to all his problems…well, Jared’s problems.

The woman looked hesitant and a bit shaky. “By any chance…Is that friend’s name Jared?”

“Oh God, yes. Exactly. Do you know Robert? Do you know where he is? Oh God, Jared is going crazy looking for him. Please , please if you know him, please tell me where he is, so that I can reunite the two lost friends,” Jensen pleaded before it stuck him, “wait, how do you know Jared?”

The woman seemed relieved as she started laughing, “Oh my God! Of course I know Jared. Don’t hide from me, I believe love has its ways of manifesting. Robert’s been talking about him nonstop. He’s so gone over him. I can’t wait to meet the guy my son’s in love with. If Jared’s here then we should definitely bring them to meet each other. Oh how happy Rob would be!! Jared is my son’s first love after all. I’m Martha. Robert’s mom. And you are?”

Jensen didn’t know if he should come clean or not. But the woman seemed so happy at the prospect of reuniting the two guys and her obvious glee over meeting Jared, that Jensen didn’t have it in him to diffuse her balloon of happiness. Plus it really wasn’t Jensen’s place to tell her the truth. It was for Jared to clear the air. Besides, once Jared met Robert, he would obviously cease to be Jensen’s husband. That thought twisted something deep in Jensen’s gut. Jared was the sunshine that made his days bright and nights peaceful. How would Jensen survive a life without Jared? He felt a sting behind his eyes but deflected his attention in favor of answering the anxious woman in front of him. “ I’m Jensen, ma’am. Jared’s friend. When Jared told me that he was in love with Robert, I suggested to him that we look around for him so that he could get back his love. I want to see him happy and your son seems to be the one to bring joy to Jared’s world.” It hurt him physically to even say it out loud. He’d do that. He’d do that for Jared. Anything for Jared. “Could you please tell me where Robert is?”

“Of course I can tell you. It’s his first concert in Albert Hall here. Let’s surprise him. The concert is set to begin at 8 o'clock. What do you say we get them together by 7?” Martha quipped happily.

“Y-yeah. Of course. That’d be great. Awesome. Thank you so much, ma’am. You don’t know, you’ve been an angel. I’ll drop Jared at Albert Hall at sharp 7 in evening. I gather you’ll be there to receive him?”

“Obviously I’ll be there. Oh Lord! This is so good. Robert will be so happy. Thank you God, for bringing the happiness back into my son’s life,” Martha sent a quick prayer, “I’ll see you then. Can’t wait to tell Robert, the good news.” Martha twirled happily and bid goodbye.

Jensen stood there still in shock. One day. He would only have Jared all to himself just for one day. Then he would no longer be Jensen Ackles, husband of Jared Padalecki. Nope. He would be merely Jensen Ackles, the lawyer. Jensen had no idea if he would make it through his entire life alone because he sure as hell wouldn’t be marrying anyone else. He’d rather live his entire life keeping these happy moments spent with Jared tucked away in his mind than marrying someone else whom he could never love. If this was what he got for loving someone, just to let them go so they could be happy, then he never ever wanted to love anyone ever again. He had to man up and face reality. Jensen resolved he wouldn’t let Jared seem him in misery. That was why he took some time walking slowly back to the hospital, plagued by heartbreak. By the time he reached hospital, he had put on a happy face.

Jared was pacing the room. The moment he had heard Jensen hum their song, he knew. He knew that Jensen had met Robert. He was over the freaking moon. If Jensen managed to locate him, he’d be meeting the love of his life and they’d be together forever. He was anxious and waiting on Jensen to…

The sound of door opening had Jared spinning around and stopping dead in track, hope shining bright in his heart. When Jensen didn’t answer, the impatience in him got the better of him, “Well…”

Jensen’s face was neutral, not giving away much for Jared, until he spoke, “I didn’t find him.” And Jared’s hopes were dashed. He was about to make his disappointment known when Jensen spoke again, “I didn’t find him but I found his mom. He’s here Jared. Robert’s in this town. He has a concert in Albert Hall tomorrow. His mom asked me to take you there at 7 p.m., just an hour before the concert starts. We found him, Jared. We found your Robert.” Jensen was smiling, even if it didn’t reach his eyes.

Hearing Jensen say that he had located Robert finally had finally broken the dam Jared had been holding inside him and he rushed to hug the air out of Jensen. “OhGodohGodohGod… You found him. He’s really here, Jensen?”

“Yeah Jared, he’s really here. You’re gonna get to meet him tomorrow. You’ll finally be one tomorrow.”

“Oh my God. Thank you, Jensen. Thank you so much.”

 _“You’re welcome, Jay,”_ Jensen silently said as he held Jared tight to his chest. He was savoring this moment. It felt so good to have Jared in his arms. All warm, soft and beautiful. He breathed in the scent of Jared, soft sunshine and lilies, telling himself to catalogue it somewhere in his mind. None of them actually gave a thought to the fact that Jensen had just given his husband a nickname.


	12. I Was The Biggest Fool Alive

**“You take every opportunity given you in this world, even if you have too many opportunities. One day, the opportunities stop, you know.”**

**\- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire**

Once, Jared had settled down a little, they waited for the doctors to give them all clear so that they could go back to their rented apartment. In the next three hours, they had signed the discharge papers and Jared was given the all clear, just mild medicine and an order to rest some more and they headed back to their little home. Jensen kept glancing at Jared every now and then. He couldn’t help but notice the happy glow that surrounded him and Jensen was more heartbroken to know he wasn’t the reason behind the change. Jensen had always thought that when he got married he would have an easy friendship with his spouse and they would slowly build their relationship which ultimately would lead them to fall in love with each other. The reality however, was the exact opposite of that. His husband didn’t want anything that he desired. Moreover, he was already in love with this Robert Miller and tomorrow when they met they’d finally get married and have beautiful babies. Jensen would have to arrange for divorce papers first and then they would have to go through the judicial process and only then would Jared be able to marry his love and start a new life. A life without Jensen in it. Yet, Jensen would make it easy for Jared. Being a lawyer himself, he’d be damned if he didn’t make the process easy on Jared. He wouldn’t let Jared’s image be tarnished. He’d take the blame, saying that he had been pressured to marry and that he was already in love with someone. He knew declaring this would create a massive ruckus but he’d do it. For Jared - anything for Jared.

Just as the backup plan was forming in his mind, they came to a stop in front of their apartment. Jensen helped Jared out and slowly into the house to deposit him in the living room. He quickly made a trip back to the car and took out the luggage to settle it in the room they shared. Once back in the living room, he took in the beauty that was Jared. His husband looked so peaceful as he stretched out on the couch with his legs on the coffee table and his head thrown back, eyes closed, a soft smile on his lips. Jensen didn’t know how long he stood there just staring at his husband as he was suddenly hit with the realization that this was the last day he’d be spending with Jared as a married man. Today would mark the last day of them being together and Jensen had not even taken him out for a dinner date yet. He wanted to have at least one date with his husband before his husband ceases to be his. He let Jared be and decided to form a plan and devise ways to make Jared agree to go out with him.

Jared was beyond happy. He was ecstatic. He’d finally found where Robert was and he’d be meeting him tomorrow. Yet, somewhere in the back of his mind, it didn’t feel right. Somehow it felt as if this was a mistake but he didn’t dwell on it much, relating those thoughts to the nervousness of reuniting with the love of his life. He felt relaxed yet some heaviness lingered on his heart, somehow not so happy at the prospect of going ahead with this plan. This meant, it’d be the last day of this forced marriage he’d been talked into. Tomorrow Jensen would be free to find love and happiness. That was why he was a little taken aback to hear that Jensen wanted to take him out on a dinner date.

“Please Jared, just one date. Between marrying you and finding out that our marriage was actually a farce and ultimately chasing Robert, I never got a chance to get to know you properly. I mean I know you of course, but not like I should, as a husband. And today will be our last day as a married couple. So, I just want to wine and dine my husband. What do you say?”

Jensen looked so hopeful that Jared didn’t have it in him to deny the offer. Besides, what could go wrong in one night? So, he agreed. “I’d like to go out with you Jensen. One last night of fun - as a married couple, yeah?” He teased as he saw something flash in Jensen’s eyes which he could not put a name to. In the next second Jensen was giving out the details of their date, so he didn’t have time to ponder upon it.

“Oh, Thank you, Jared. It’ll be the best date night of your life as my husband, I promise. I’ll ensure that you enjoy it and never get bored. I’ll make it good. So, be ready by 7 in the evening. Nothing special, just be yourself and I hope you have a good evening with me.”

At 7 sharp, Jared found himself ready and sitting on the couch wearing a blue turtleneck shirt and a black jacket with black slacks, waiting for his husband to come down. The words “his husband” sent something warm shivering down his spine. He felt his stomach flutter and an unknowing smile forming on his face. He heard a pitter patter of footsteps and looked over to see Jensen standing there looking for keys on the side table. To Jared, he looked beautiful. How had he never given a thought to his husband? Jensen looked handsome in his black shirt, maroon jacket and black pants. He liked the way the tight pants brought out Jensen’s goodies. Sweet Lord, Jared could eat him up right here, right now. _Wait, where did this come from? He was gonna meet Robert tomorrow- the man who had captured Jared’s heart from the get go. Then why didn’t he feel the joy and why was he suddenly so aware of his husband’s beauty?_ He didn’t get much time to get lost in this thoughts as Jensen called for him.

“You look so good, Jared,” the voice was wobbly though and Jared was confused to see the signs of wet eyes.

“Jensen, are you okay?” Jared was concerned that Jensen was doing this out of duty. “We can stay here, if you don’t want to go. I’ll understand. I haven’t been a husband to you just as a husband should. So, I understand if…”

“Jared, you’ve been everything to me and more by just marrying me. You‘re a beautiful soul, Padalecki. I am just – gonna miss you.” Jensen was searching for his keys when he suddenly glanced at his husband, to see if he was ready to go. But seeing Jared, looking so beautiful and he was hit with the realization that he’d be seeing this beauty for the last time today, hurt something bad. His eyes stung and he couldn’t help but keep staring at Jared Padalecki in all his glory. Before he could wipe out the look of sadness, Jared had seen him and assumed the worst. Jensen placated his husband and let him be.

“C’mon now, it’s getting late. You read to head out?” Jensen asked excitedly.

“Yeah, of course. Can’t wait to be finally going out with you, Jensen.” Jared had to admit, he was excited to go on his first ever date with his husband. He was never allowed to date, nor were other carriers, especially not with Robert. They had their own dates, of course, although, they were all within the four secret walls of the guesthouse of the Padalecki family. To be out and about freely with his date was something he had longed to do. And this was the first time he was officially going on a date hence, the reason for his excitement. Yet, he couldn’t deny that the it was all because he was going on a date, oh no, it had very much to do with the fact that he was going on a date with his husband- Jensen and that he would get to claim Jensen- the beautiful, gorgeous, green-eyed, shy man- as his husband openly. He couldn’t deny that his husband was hot as hell and his shyness only enhanced Jared’s ability to drool over him. All during their drive, he kept observing Jensen and felt himself getting hard. And everytime he got hard, he had to remember Robert for his hard on to will away.

They arrived at their venue and Jensen handed over the car for valet parking. Jared got out of the car and was struck at the venue chosen by Jensen. It was a countryside garden restaurant which had fountains and was full of cultural ethnicity on display. There were folk songs and folk dances being performed as the guests enjoyed their dinner. The manager approached them and Jensen mentioned who they were. The manager was quick on his feet as he led them to their table, “Yes, Mr. and Mr. Ackles, the table is all set for you. I hope you have a pleasant evening. May I say. Mr. Ackles, you make a lovely couple,” stunning Jensen with his compliment ~~s~~. Once he was gone, Jared looked over at his husband and was stunned to find him blushing red. “I’m sorry Jared. I know you don’t need a constant reminder of being married against your will, but I had to tell them. I had to tell them that we were husbands in order to get them to agree to book our reservations. And I know I promised you a memorable night, yet somehow, if the mention of you being an Ackles, has ruined it , I’m sorry. It’s just like the deed I signed for the apartment….”

Jensen was rambling, definitely to get Jared’s approval, he was sure of it. It was kinda cute, “Hey, it’s okay. I didn’t mind. Besides, I’m an Ackles, by design or default, doesn’t matter. So, calm down. The place is beautiful by the way. I never expected to be going on a date here with you.” Jared changed the topic to ensure that their night wouldn’t be ruined by the mere formality and Jared wished he could hold on to this memory forever.

“Yeah…I…I know you like music and that you love exploring the local traditions so I just called my junior and asked her to find out the place that’s popular in this town which has a blend of local taste and music. She came up with this place. So, here we are. I just hope you like it,” Jensen replied

“I love it. The music is just so pleasing to my ears. It always had such an effect on me. That was the reason I chose to do something in this field. I love writing and composing songs. Sometimes even sing them,” Jared admitted, slightly flushed.

“I know. Whenever you sing it’s like you are in your own mind space, enjoying the bliss. The serenity on your face looks like you are in heaven. You automatically close your eyes and smile all the way while you sing. It’s like you’ve merged with the divine. There’s a glow around you that makes you look like an angel. It was one of the reasons why I …” Jensen stopped himself from blurting out ‘ _I fell in love with you’_. “Anyway, so let’s order, I’m told this place has amazing cuisine.”

Jared was a bit taken aback by the sudden change of subject. He was almost sure Jensen was about to sing him a love sonnet, because he had caught the exact nerve of Jared’s love for music. No one ever understood his passion for art as for Jared it was all about devotion. To have Jensen understand it so quickly, struck a chord with Jared. “You observed that in my single performance? It’s like you understood me in a single meeting, Jen.”

Jensen stilled for a moment and he could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes as he was nicknamed for the first time by Jared. “Y-you.... did you just call me Jen?” Jensen asked in a trembling voice.

Jared hadn’t noticed it until Jensen’s whole demeanor changed so suddenly, he had to fight not to shy away. “Yeah…I just…It just slipped out, but if it’s fine with you I’d like to call you Jen. It suits you. Feels like I’m speaking to someone very dear to my heart. Obviously, if you approve.” Jared didn’t know when his brain to mouth filter had stopped working but here he was talking casually with his husband, on a date, observing his hotness and his friendly attitude and his sweet nature and declared Jen as someone who was dear to his heart, when in reality, he was going to meet Robert tomorrow.

Jared was rambling and he looked so cute, the flush on that beautiful face sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine. God, he loved this man so much. Jensen had been in love with him since he first saw Jared. Add that to the fact that he had just called him “Jen” and that Jensen was ‘very dear to his heart’! Jensen didn’t know if he was capable of speaking without blurting out love sonnets so he did the only thing he could. He smiled and nodded, tears shining in his eyes. “You can. So, enough of this drama. Let’s speak of something else…tell me what kind of music you specialize in?”

Jared never in his life ever had such a great time. His husband was beyond charming. Not only that but it was clear in the way that he asked questions that Jensen had some knowledge in the field of music. They talked endlessly about the variations in composing, hitting the right notes or their favorite singers and the ones who they hated the most or the ones who they found were only hyped ones. To Jared’s surprise they almost had the same taste. What Jared observed for the first time was how very happy Jensen was and Jared could tell because he saw Jensen’s eyes glinting more than once when he actually laughed a loud, deep belly laugh, that made Jared smile smugly with the knowledge that he was the reason behind it and no one else. They were eating and drinking when a waiter approached them with a bottle of whisky. Jared was surprised because they definitely had not ordered it so when Jensen questioned the waiter he merely pointed out to the lady sitting across from them who just toasted her glass to Jensen. Jensen too raised his glass as a thank you and smiled to himself shaking his.

Jared felt a hint of jealousy pool in his belly. How dare the woman flirt with Jensen when Jared – his husband- was sitting right in front of them. Jensen should be raising a toast for Jared and not that flirty cock-slut who was probably here to find a man to get laid. He was shooting daggers at the woman when Jensen spoke, “Hey, you with me, Jay?”

“Yeah”

“You know, you don’t have to worry. I’m married to you - at least till we divorce. And I’ll be faithful till the day you sign those divorce papers. I don’t give a damn about the painted whore, not when I have a real beauty sitting right in front of me,” Jensen slurred and Jared realized his husband was a bit tipsy and had consumed more alcohol than needed. “But why waste a free bottle of whisky, right?” Jensen giggled taking another sip of his drink.

When Jared was about to suggest that Jensen should stop drinking, there was an announcement of a dance performance and the head singer was grabbing random males from around the tables. Unfortunately Jensen too was dragged into joining in. The singer picked up the tune and urged them to tap dancing. The lead dancers were showing the participants how to move and Jensen was completely hopeless, he couldn’t grasp a single move and Jared observed he was dancing in his own moves. Jared couldn’t help but laugh when his husband almost tripped and was caught by a spectator nearby from falling into the water fountain. Jared kept laughing until the singer grabbed Jensen to sing along instead.

Jensen didn’t actually have the flow of voice but he wasn’t a bad singer. Jared observed he had a whisky smooth voice but couldn’t quite catch the beat. Everyone was enjoying it though, so even Jared cheered for his husband. The singer announced that anyone who knew how to play a guitar was welcome to perform while the stage was open for couples to dance. Jared watched flabbergasted as Jensen quickly took the offer and joined the band on stage. “Hey guys, I know I ain’t a good dancer or a singer but I could try. So this song is the one I wrote for someone very special to my heart- my beloved. This is for you, my love.” Jensen strung the guitar and started singing….

_I’ve given away my heart, my love_

_I’ve become yours_

_I swear to you_

_I’ve given away my heart, my love_

_I’ve become yours_

_I swear to you._

_This world…it is so cruel_

_But I would die for you in a beat_

_I swear…I’ve given away my heart, my love_

_I’ve become yours…I swear to you_

_My hopes and dreams are with you, my love_

_I’ve held on to them and you_

_I never can forget you_

_Oh…I’ll never forget you_

_Oh.. I’ve given my heart away, my love,_

_I’ve become yours…I swear_

_In the shadows of your memories_

_My life shall pass by_

_After the Lord Himself, I’ve worshipped only you_

_Ask me for anything, everything is yours_

_Ask for anything, I’ll give it to you_

_Oh…I’ve given my heart away, my love_

_I’ve become yours_

_I swear to you_

_I’ve given my heart away, my love,_

_I’ve become yours_

_I swear to you…._

Jared sat there stunned as Jensen was singing. His voice sounded so good and he definitely missed a few beats but the emotions behind it had Jared shocked to his core. The way Jensen sang, full of sadness and heartache and some hopes, eyes closed and tears slipping through the log eyelashes, had Jared rethinking some of his decisions. The moment Jensen had sung the opening lines, there was no doubt in his mind that the song was written specifically for him. The love and devotion that flowed through the song had him realizing that Jensen was in love with him. Jared stared at his beautiful husband as he poured his heart out – his love anthem- for Jared- silently asking no, not asking, begging Jared to give Jensen a chance to love him. Jared thought that if this was the depth of Jensen’s emotion then he could drown in the pool of Jensen’s fierce love and not give a damn about it. Because somewhere down the line, Jared too had started developing feelings for his husband. But before he could delve deep into his thoughts everyone was clapping and Jared looked around to people wiping their eyes from the tears they had shed. The couples who had been dancing were holding on to each other more tightly. A lady sitting behind Jared, came near and whispered to him “You’re a very lucky guy. Hold on to him, you know. Not everyone is lucky to get a chance at having such a devoted partner. I wish you two a life long happiness, my friend.” She was gone even before Jared could reply to her.


	13. I Realized That It’s We Who Were Meant To Be

**“The true life is not reducible to words spoken or written, not by anyone, ever. The true life takes place when we’re alone, thinking, feeling, lost in memory, dreamily self-aware, the submicroscopic moments.”**

**\- Don DeLillo, Point Omega**

Jensen was still shedding tears as he made his way towards Jared. The alcohol had shut down his brain completely because had he been sober, he would never have sung this poem he had specifically written for Jared. But because he was in the haze of alcohol, he felt a little brave and did what his heart told him to. He had pictured Jared in all his moods while he sang. Especially his happy face, smiling with dimples on full display when Jensen had told him that he had finally located Robert and was hit with the sudden reality that the beautiful smile would never be thrown at him as from tomorrow Jared would cease to be his husband. It had hurt something deep, like being stabbed with a knife, twisting it to ensure his death. He poured his heart out, something he never could, in the song and hoped that Jared understood his message.

“You’ve a beautiful voice, Jensen, you should actually get trained,” Jared said, once his husband settled down in the chair ensuring to steal his emotions from him.

Jensen cackled, “Yeah, why would I do that? I’ve no reason to get trained. You’re leaving tomorrow and with you probably my will to live and enjoy life,” Jensen said, pouring himself another drink and quickly chugging it down.

Jared didn’t know how to react to that, so he kept quiet and watched silently as Jensen poured himself another glass. By the time they headed out, Jensen was literally drunk. He couldn’t even support himself as he tried to get the keys from his pocket. Once he retrieved his keys he opened the car’s door when Jared stopped him, “Oh no, mister, I’m not letting you get us killed. Give me the keys, I’m driving.”

Jensen grumbled but having Jared manhandling him into the car seat was enough for him to shut up. They drove back to their apartment where Jared again manhandled his husband into the room. He was about to deposit him on the bed when Jensen held on to him and stared at him.

“What?”

“You’ve got color changing eyes…Beautiful,” Jensen whispered.

“Umm…”

“You’ve got a mole too, you know. Right here.” Jensen touched said mole with a soft poke, “You’re so beautiful. Can I kiss you?”

Jared was not ready for the question coming from Jensen. So he tensed yet felt butterflies in his stomach at the idea of getting to kiss Jensen for the first time.

“Jensen, I don’t think….”

“Please, just once…Just so I can remember you, your taste…so I can live the rest of my life remembering you.”

And how could Jared deny this request?

“Okay…Just once though.”

Jared had never been kissed so passionately before. Sure, he had kissed Robert, but it was always friendly. Jensen though, was kissing him as if he was devouring all of Jared. The kiss was hungry and sweet and deep and long. It scorched Jared to his heart. He felt his heart jumping with joy because Jensen was claiming him as was his right as Jared’s husband.

It didn’t last as long as Jared wanted it to. Once they came up for air, Jared opened his eyes only to lock them with beautiful tear filled green eyes. They looked so miserable and Jared never wanted to see anything but happiness in those eyes. He caressed his thumb just below Jensen’s eyes as if wiping away the non-existing tears rolling down the cheeks.

“Can I tell you something?” Jensen asked in hushed words.

“Anything,” Jared croaked out

Jensen tenderly kissed Jared’s forehead and mumbled something and promptly passed out. Jared didn’t think he was supposed to hear what he said. It was inevitable though because they were so close. He wouldn’t regret hearing it though, because those words spoken were like a balm to his burned soul.

“I love you.”

Those words were seared into Jared’s mind. He swiftly arranged Jensen on the bed, kissing the man on his temple and moved towards the window, sitting on the chair near it. His husband loved him. His husband was in love with him. An unexpected smile spread on his face and he started crying. He felt so relieved. Relieved that Jensen loved him. That he didn’t hate Jared. Instead, he was giving him up so Jared could be happy.

Jared never thought that Jensen would end up loving him. Oh no, he was so sure that the man hated his guts; after all Jared had married him yet somehow cheated on him: at least emotionally. Because even after being married, he had continued writing letters to his so-called boyfriend. He had never allowed Jensen to touch him and never allowed himself to open up to him. Yet, Jensen never complained. Instead when he found out about Robert, he took it upon himself to unite the two lovers. Jensen had been patient, never losing his cool or taking it out on Jared. He always tried to cheer Jared up whenever he had a bad day. He would make silly jokes, tell him the hilarious situations he came across while in court, bringing Jared all sorts of candies, once he found out that Jared loved sweets. Jensen was his rock all the time while they were in the town and each day had passed with no trace of Robert. It came to a point where Jared had broken down, his heart heavy with the knowledge that he’d never see Robert ever again. Jensen was always there, assuring him that they were close to locating Robert and they’d find him one day. Jensen had even gone to the length of taking the blame of the divorce on himself. A strong presence behind Jared, his constant.

Jared always wondered how he lucked out with Jensen. Had he been married to someone else he was sure he would have been a victim of domestic violence or worse. The problem with arranged marriages was that no one knew if the couple would work out their relationship. Many times, the carriers were used just to produce multiple heirs while their husbands already had a second spouse. They were humiliated and subjected to beatings.

What Jared did, he deserved getting punished for. No husband worth Jensen’s salt would have tolerated his actions. He would have been banned from being in social situations or would have been punished in some kind. What he never thought would ever happen to him was the fact that his husband would care for him so much so as to give up his own dreams. Jared remembered the day his husband had found his letters and only asked him one question, “Were you happy with him?”

Jared had answered with a resounding “Yes”. Was he happy? Yes indeed. Did he want to remain happy? Of course. But he also wanted to be the happiest. What he had with Robert was a fling, Jared understood now. There never was the strong urge to be recognized or to be together. There was no mutual respect as was the case with Jensen. There never was the sense of sacrifice, Jared had begged Robert to tell the truth to Senior Padalecki so that they could be together but Robert had always refused, giving some reason as to how he wasn’t ready for anything serious. Jared liked Robert. He did. To the point that he’d lied to his own father; but he wasn’t in love with him. Their love wasn’t based on give and take. Robert wanted to learn music so he’d build up his relation with Jared and Jared wanted the sense of closeness with someone. They had given each other what they craved but it was never enough. Jared understood now that it could never be enough. They were great friends but they weren’t compatible. They both were hotheaded and often ended up fighting with each other. They’d make a horrible couple because they’d be never ever happy, always wanting more. They’d never be enough for each other.

With Jensen though, Jared had always felt calm. The sense of belonging that he never felt with Robert. Unknowingly Jared had found his perfect partner in crime- the one who was shy while Jared wasn’t, who was reserved while Jared was an extrovert, who shared the same taste in music just like Jared or who understood Jared completely – no questions asked.

Jensen was simple, despite his family background and he was humble. His simplicity and caring nature and obviously, his beauty was what led to all of Jared’s wall to crumble down. Jared could still hear Jensen’s words from his performance today…

“ _I’ve given away my heart, my love…_

_I’ve become yours…_

_I swear ....”_

There was so much sorrow in those words that he wanted to hug Jensen tight and never let him go. He wondered when Jensen had gotten the time to write the song. He never knew Jensen was a poet. He remembered watching Jensen scribbling in his diary one night, when he had woken up thirsty as he was going back to his room from the kitchen. The light in Jensen’s room had been on and he had peeked in to see Jensen writing something in the diary. Jared had assumed being a lawyer, it might be his habit. But today’s performance had him rethinking it.

Jared rummaged through Jensen’s things, hell-bent on finding the diary. He was sure he would get answers to all of his questions in that damn diary. When he couldn’t find it in the side drawers or in the backpack, he opened the closet and searched through it. He wasn’t disappointed when he found something beneath the pile of shirts in the left side corner. Jared quickly closed the door and went back to occupy his seat by the window.

Jared opened the old diary and started reading. It was really a compilation of all of Jensen’s poems written since Jensen was in junior high, neatly dated and summarized. They were beautiful. Many of them were simply about the wonder that was life and some of his hopes and dreams of finding a loving partner, one who he could spend his life with happily. Jared was stunned in the depth with which the poems were written; especially those that he wrote after he met Jared. The ones dated just before their marriage were full of hopes and dreams and expectations. The ones written after their marriage were full of excitement and the ones after Jensen finding out about Jared and Robert were heartbreaking. The one that Jensen had performed tonight had been written just a day after they got married. The ones after the fiasco, spoke of loneliness and heartache. One specifically that caught Jared’s eye and broke Jared’s heart was written when he’d been hospitalized, merely three days ago. It was so sad and emotional and beautiful that it twisted Jared’s heart painfully.

_Even today, the rush of wind_

_Must it be blowing your hair away?_

_Even today, the scarf you drape,_

_Must it be slipping away from your head?_

_Even today, your hair_

_Must they be adorned with a flower?_

_The cold air at night,_

_Must it be patting your back?_

_The coolness of the moon in your dreams_

_Must they be taking you there?_

_The morning sun rays_

_Must they be taking your sleep away?_

_In my mind’s thought, my beloved_

_Must you be talking to yourself?_

_I hide as I look at you_

_Must you be feeling my gaze?_

_A portrait of mine on a paper_

_Must you be painting that?_

_Looking at it upside down_

_Must you be laughing so much?_

_Your eyes while laughing_

_Must they be filled with mirth?_

_The cover with which you draped me in the sun_

_Must that be drenched by now?_

_The sound of the rain drops_

_Must it be making you remember my melody?_

_Every single conversation of ours_

_Must you be remembering them?_

_All these questions of mine, my beloved_

_Will you ever answer them for me?_

Jared couldn’t stop his tears from falling as he read and reread the poem till he was exhausted with the pain that gripped his heart. How could Jensen love him so much despite Jared betraying the trust and promises made in the vows? How could he love Jared despite knowing the fact that he would never get to have him the way he desired? How could he love Jared despite knowing the fact that all Jared had ever done was hurt him? How could he love Jared so much despite knowing he could never be Jensen’s? The words that were penned must have cut so deep that Jared wanted to rush to his husband and stitch those wounds ,blanketing Jensen with his love.

He wanted to tell Jensen that he wasn’t alone, that Jared was with him, that Jared loved him, more than he could ever think himself capable of. He wanted to tell Jensen that he loved him and that they were married in matrimony and together forever. Jared wanted to tell Jensen that he was Jensen’s forever; that is if Jensen would still have him. And if the way Jensen acted tonight was anything to go by, he was sure Jensen would take him back in a heartbeat.

The realization that he was in love with Jensen should shock Jared, but it didn’t. It was so natural for him to fall for the sweet guy that he didn’t doubt himself even for a minute. And now that he had concluded that he wished to be by Jensen’s side forever, he needed to form a plan to get out of this situation. He situated the diary back, exactly as it was and sat there staring at the peaceful face of the man he loved while contemplating his next action.


	14. He Was The One, My Only One

**“If someone cracks up, what does that mean? At what point does a person about to fall to pieces say: I’m cracking up? And if I were to crack up, what form would it take?”**

**\- Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook**

When Jensen woke up, it was to the sound of Jared humming softly under his breath as he brought coffee and pills of Advil to help Jensen with the massive hangover he was sporting. His husband was looking soft and happy and he wanted to just sit and stare at him for as long as he could. “Good afternoon, sleepy head. Have those pills, so that you are at least decent, Jen. We’ve a long day ahead of us.” And wasn’t that a dose of sobriety? He drank the coffee and took the pills silently and observed Jared. Today his husband was practically glowing and Jensen was hurt by the knowledge that it was all because he was finally going to meet Robert.

Yesterday was the best day of Jensen’s life. He had taken his husband out to dinner and he had a great time chatting with Jared. He wasn’t sure what happened once he started drinking though, the details were a bit hazy but he could remember singing. Oh sweet Lord…he had sung a song written for Jared! He was sure it was all the alcohol talking but it was a done deed. The only thing he could now do was to apologize for whatever stupid things he had done while being drunk. Jensen sighed and got out of bed to get ready.

He quickly showered, changed and roamed around in the kitchen to find something to eat. He was half expecting Jared to be in his own room and getting ready for his big day. That was why he was shocked to see Jared cooking eggs and a pile of toast. “Jared, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” came the sarcastic reply. When Jared turned around, Jensen could feel himself drooling. Jared was wearing a soft blue t-shirt and grey sweatpants, his hair was a mess and there was a soft and welcoming smile on his face. “I’m making breakfast so that we can eat something before we head out.”

“Jared, we have to be at the venue by 7. It’s mostly half an hour drive from here. We don’t need to rush.”

“I know, Jen. But I’m not talking about that. You took me on a dinner date yesterday. I thought I could take you on a lunch date today. My treat before we leave this evening. What do you say?”

His husband looked so hopeful that Jensen didn’t have the heart to tell him no. He gulped through the tightness in his throat, “Yeah. Okay. I’m sorry for yesterday. I don’t remember much but I was drunk and I’m 100% sure I did something stupid. I ruined you night. I’m really sorry.”

“Oh no, Jen. You got it all wrong. I enjoyed last night. So what, you got drunk? It’s bound to happen to even the mightiest of men,” Jared joked and got back to his eggs.

Jensen sat down at the table and Jared brought over their plates. Jensen couldn’t eat much, because he was busy thinking how empty and alone he was going to be for the rest of his life. He kept glancing at Jared now and then but couldn’t keep a steady gaze. He was sure that if he spent any more time with Jared, he was bound to break down and he didn’t want Jared to see this vulnerable of Jensen. He tried to eat but he couldn’t swallow. His sweet and beautiful Jared was going to leave him forever tonight. He wanted to cry out his pain over his heartbreak as he had reached his limit ~~s~~. He stood up and looked at Jared in a tearful manner, “I-I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I-I ne-need time. You be ready. I’ll be there to pick you up. I’m sorry,” And he ran out of the apartment, getting in the car, driving around aimlessly.

Jared was surprised to see Jensen being so emotional and before he could stop him, Jensen had practically ran out. He sat there stunned. He had planned on taking Jensen to lunch and then for a walk to the riverfront so that he could confess his feelings. Before he could execute this plan, Jensen had bailed. So, Jared decided he had to come up with a new plan, that was if his husband was back within time.

When Jensen got back it was almost 5 in the evening. He had spent his time in the church on the outskirts of town, taking a trip down memory lane, sobbing and thinking of his future. By the time he had realized he had promised Jared that he would pick him up, it was 4 in the evening. He drove as fast as he could and was finally there to pick Jared up. When he entered the living room, he was met with a very furious Jared.

“Where the hell have you been, Jen? You ran away without telling me where you exactly were going. I had planned a lunch date and you bailed on me. Then when I call you, you don’t pick up. What the hell is wrong with you? I was worried sick, with ~~a~~ no way of contacting you in this foreign town. What were you thinking?” Jared had been worried when Jensen didn’t show up for the next two hours. He had called and called until Jensen’s phone was not reachable. Then he had gotten furious that Jensen had dared to do this to him.

Jared observed his husband while he tried to come up with an excuse. His hair was sticking up in fifty different directions, like it did when he ran his fingers through the blond hairs. He had red puffy eyes and tear tracks that told Jared that Jensen had been crying. He was looking pale, upset and disturbed. “I just needed some space Jared. I’m sorry I worried you. Hey the upside of the whole situation is that you don’t need to worry about my sorry ass anymore.”

“That’s not funny, Jen”

“Yeah… go get ready. Traffic is heavy today. We should leave in the next one hour.”

Jared stormed back into his room, frustrated. All his plan had gone down the drain and the attitude that Jensen had given him, pissed him off. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more as he thought of any other ways he could execute his plans. It clicked after a while. Decision made, Jared jumped into shower and got ready for the evening. He took his time, knowing it was getting late. He still was a little pissed at Jen but it had toned down knowing that if he was in Jensen’s place he’d have done the same thing. He couldn’t fault Jensen but he could get his revenge. ‘Good, let him sweat some more’, he thought as he emerged from his room.

When Jared came out of his room, Jensen was waiting for him dressed in a black jacket and maroon shirt, black pants, hair spiked. He was looking so handsome, Jared had an urge to kiss him stupid and shout to the world that this beautiful man was his husband. “You look good,” was all Jared managed to say. He was so engrossed with the blush that spread on Jensen, he almost didn’t hear him speak.

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” To Jensen Jared looked beautiful always but today was special. Jared was dressed in his best clothes, a dark green shirt with a black tux. Jensen wished he could keep Jared all to himself and never let him out of his sight. Alas, that couldn’t be. He shook himself out of his musings. They had to leave after all, “So, I called for a cab because I stupidly drove around and the car is out of gas. We don’t have much time to fix that issue. I’m sorry I…” Jensen paused unable to carry on further because he knew he was lying through his teeth. He had filled gas in the car while driving back in the evening, knowing he had to drive Jared to the concert hall. However, once back, he realized he wasn’t in any shape to drive as he would be a sobbing mess, trying to hold himself up, not to break in front of Jared. His husband was the most beautiful thing he had ever come across and the irony was that instead of treasuring him, he was giving him up.

Jensen could have easily forced Jared to work their marriage out. But he couldn’t. Jared would never have been happy. He would have hated Jensen in that case. For Jensen, his husband’s happiness was paramount and hence, he had decided to sacrifice his desires and emotions just so that Jared could have a chance at happiness. He didn’t regret it though, after all he got a chance to be in the company of a beautiful soul that Jared was.

Jared could see the inner turmoil in Jensen as the green orbs turned a bit glassy. “It's okay. Is the cab here yet?”

“Umm..no, it will be here in the next five minutes though.”

“Okay.”

The awkward silence that followed had Jared blushing because he felt Jensen trying to peek at him now and then without letting him know. Jensen wasn’t at all subtle. Exactly five minutes later, they heard the car stop in front of the gate and Jensen rushed out.

“Jay-red the cab is here, come on let's go. We’re already late.”

The whole hour long drive was spent in silence. Jared was remembering their wedding, the happy and joyful look on Jensen’s face, when the cab stopped and he was confused. They were nowhere near the venue instead stopping on the riverfront. “What is it Jensen?” ~~,~~ Jared questioned, getting out just as Jensen got out of the cab.

“I- I wanted to take a picture here. This was where we started our friendship so…” Jensen pointed out shyly as he took out his phone from his jacket pocket.

Jared smiled indulgently. His husband was such a sap. “Yeah of course. We can ask someone to take a picture of us together?”

“Oh..no, no. I wanted to take a picture of you. Just you. You know to remember ….yeah,” Jensen got emotional and didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to, Jared understood the ‘To remember you after the end of our marriage’ that was left unsaid. 

“Yeah. Okay.” Jared gave his best pose and waited until Jensen was satisfied.

“Thank you Jared. I will treasure them forever.” Jensen was looking down at the pictures as he spoke. He couldn’t look into the eyes of the man he loved so dearly. If he did, he was sure to break.

Once they reached the venue, Jensen paid the cab charges and they headed inside. People had already started gathering in the big lobby. Looking at the volume of it all, Jared gathered that Robert really had made his dream come true. Both of them stood in front of the stairs that would lead into the auditorium. Jared could see Jensen was itching to say something and Jared wanted to see if he would bite the bullet first. They stood there gazing longingly in each others’ eyes, legs working without their permission closing the gap in between them automatically.

A sudden movement from Jared’s back had Jensen breaking the moment. Martha was here. The last minutes of being Jared’s husband had arrived and he wanted to tell Jared that he loved him and that he wished him a lifetime of love and happiness. “Jared, can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” Jared whispered sensing the urgency in Jensen’s voice, heart beating a mile per second.

“Jared, I…”

Jensen was cut off by an excited Martha who was in awe of Jared.

“Oh Jared, you look so handsome. Come on let’s go. Robert is waiting for you. He was so happy when I told him that you were finally here.” Babbling continuously, Martha dragged Jared off without giving him any chance to bid his husband goodbye. Jared gave a final look at Jensen who looked so broken, almost on the verge of having a meltdown. As he was dragged up the stairs he watched as his husband lowered his head dejectedly, shoulders shaking, running out as fast as he could.


	15. I Understood What Love Was

**“The story ends. It was written for several reasons. Nine of them are secrets. The tenth is that one should never cease considering human love, which remains as grisly and golden as ever, no matter what is tattooed upon the warm tympanic page.”**

**\- Donald Barthelme, Sixty Stories**

Jared listened as Martha took him to the stage where a lone light focused on Jared. “You wait here. Robert will be here soon,”she disappeared just as fast as she had appeared.

Jared stood there silently, a bit uncomfortable as strong arms encircled him from behind. “I knew you’d come to me.” A breathy voice spoke in his ear.

“Yeah? You did?” Jared asked softly as the room was lit up and he was showered with rose petals falling from above him. He saw Robert, just as smug and handsome but not as much as Jensen. His Jensen was beautiful inside out, in a class of his own. Jared wasn’t surprised with the fact that he didn’t feel anything for the man he once thought he loved.

“Gorgeous. Just as you were. My God, Jared I can’t believe you’re here. That you came looking for me. I missed you so much, Jared.” Robert hugged him but Jared didn’t return the embrace. He shifted and twisted out of the embrace thinking of how to tone down the blow he was about to give Robert.

“Robert, I had to come. I had to come find you to tell you…”

“Jared we’ll talk more after the concert. First I want to marry you and then we can go on a trip so that we can get reacquainted again. God I love you, so much, Jared.” Robert tried to hug him but Jared dodged him this time. He couldn’t let this man touch his body. It felt all sorts of wrong because he only craved his husband’s touch. The only one who could touch him, hug him or kiss him was his husband and he fully intended to keep it that way.

“Robert wait…this is important.” Jared tried speaking once again, only to be twirled around.

“Jared… I’m so happy to finally have you.” Robert paused, observing Jared. What he saw was not what he was expecting to see. It surprised him to see Jared’s body language so closed off and tense. “What’s the matter Jared? You don’t seem happy at all.” Robert saw as Jared ducked his head and tried to hide away from eye contact. “Jared look at me. Look at me in the eye and tell me you’re happy,” Robert commanded.

Jared took a deep breath and caught Robert’s gaze head on, challenging him to deny the sadness that he saw deep in his eyes.

Robert was shocked to say the least. “Oh my god…You…You’re not my Jared – the one who loved me and had a happy glint in his eyes whenever he saw me. If you’re not happy to see me then why are you here? What happened? Tell me Jared so that I can fix it,” Robert pleaded.

“You’re right Robert, I’m not your Jared. In fact to be honest, I was never yours to belong with.” Jared sighed deeply.

“What do you mean, Jared?” This was not going according to Robert’s expectations.

“I mean that we never belonged with each other, never loved each other.”

“What are you saying? I-I don’t understand. I love you!” Robert cried out

“No, Robert, you don’t. You liked me as I was a conquest for you. I liked you as you were a challenge for me. But we never really loved each other. Because if we truly had loved each other then we wouldn’t be here standing ten feet apart.”

“Oh my goodness, you’ve changed so much Jared. It’s like Senior Padalecki had you brainwashed. Is that it, Jared? Is he forbidding you to be with me? Because I can talk to him. I can convince him, Jared,” Robert was cut off mid rant.

“Can you though? Can you really convince my father? Look me in the eye and tell me, Robert. Can you really do that? For me? For us?”

Robert remained silent as he squirmed uncomfortably under the intense judgment of hazel eyes.

“That’s what I thought. Robert, if you had loved me, you’d have moved heaven and hell to be ensure that we could be together. But you didn’t, not even when I begged you. What we had was just a fling. Lust? Yeah, maybe. What it was not, was love. It wasn’t love. I never understood the very notion of love, until I met my husband,” Jared said smiling shyly at the memory of the kiss they shared last night.

“Hus-husband? You-you’re mar-rried?” Robert struggled with words as he stepped back.

“Yes, Robert. I’m married. I have a husband. It was he who taught me what love really is. He taught me that loving someone doesn’t mean getting together to spend the rest of my life with. No, the true meaning of love is sacrifice, respect and courage. You know, when my husband found out about you, he didn’t complain. He never does actually,” Jared chuckled, “Instead he just asked me where you lived and brought me here to help me find you. If we are standing here today, it is because of his efforts, his love for me. There were times when he wanted to find you more badly than me. Because, Robert, he loves me. He loves me so much that he let me go, just so I could be happy, sacrificing his desire and love for me.” Jared took a deep breath and looked at Robert, feeling bad for hurting the man he thought he once loved.

“He loves me unconditionally. He’s a lawyer and hails from a rich family and is shy and simple in his principles. He doesn’t judge nor is he demanding. He’s humble and never questions anything I do. He’s just there supporting anything I wish to pursue. It is him who I’m meant to belong with. I hope one day, you find someone you love as much as Jensen loves me.” Jared raised his left hand to show his ring to Robert. “We promised to love each other in health and sickness. In the ups and downs of life. And he held onto each of those vows. Now it’s my turn to abide by them and love him just as much in return. Permit me to go back to him, Robert. I beg of you.”

Robert stood there shell shocked. He gulped twice, yet was unable to form words. “You indeed have changed. I can’t do anything to convince you, can I ?” Robert gave a humorless laugh when he saw Jared shake his head. “Figures. Ju-just out of curiosity, who is this guy that stole you away from me?”

“I never was yours for him to steal away, Robert. His name is Jensen Ackles,” Jared softly responded smiling shyly at the thought of getting to see Jensen again.

“Jensen…Jensen…Jensen…I’ve heard this name somewhere. Oh yeah, I met him at the coffee shop once. He’s a bit short. Blond hair. Green eyes. Yes, he’s a pretty guy…he’s simple…I can tell. He’s a very bad singer though,” Robert tried to lighten the mood although his eyes were watery.

Jared laughed because Robert was right…only slightly, “Oh no, he just needs training and he’ll be better than even you.” He remembered Jensen’s voice, singing to him, letting Jared know he was loved.

“Okay…off you go now. If you were never mine to begin with then who am I to give you permission. Just go before I change my mind and beg you to stay. Be happy, Jared. If not in this life, maybe in the next, you’ll be mine to love.”

“We both know Robert, I’m his forever, any life, any circumstances,” Jared replied, “Thank you Robert, I wish you meet the other half of your soul too, just as I met Jensen.” 

Jared didn’t wait for his reply as he ran out hoping to find Jensen nearby. He looked around but there was no sign of Jensen. He called his husband but Jensen didn’t pick up the phone. “Damn it Jensen, where are you?” He forced himself to think harder and suddenly he was hit with an idea. He took a cab to the riverfront hoping to hell that he would find Jensen there.

Jensen had roamed around to the riverfront. He didn’t have anywhere to be. His husband had just left him and he wanted to relive the memories of his husband laughing. He didn’t think he had it in him to move on. He was sure, there would never be anyone other than Jared for him. He had vowed his devotion and his love to Jared and he wanted to stand by it till the end of his days. He sat down on the bench and gazed at the scene of the night sky and serene water in front of him which held no beauty for Jensen because a world without Jared was dull. He could remember Jared’s dimpled smile, the sound of his laughter, his shy voice when he called for Jensen. The chilly air that blew made him shiver and that was when he felt the wetness on his cheeks. But he didn’t care he was crying. He had just lost his life, his purpose and his reason for living. He was entitled to have some alone time.

Jared quickly got out of the car and paid the charges of cab hastily. He ran down to the pathway and stopped in his tracks, relieved to find Jensen sitting on one of the benches, staring into the night blankly. Jared approached his husband and observed that he was crying. There was anguish on his face and he looked pale and one of his hands kept rubbing at his heart as if Jensen was in physical pain. He couldn’t wait any longer. He sat down beside Jensen and took one of his hands, entwining their fingers as he called out to him, “Jensen.”

Jensen was engulfed in his thoughts and flinched a bit when he heard Jared’s voice. He initially thought it was his delusion but the moment Jared touched him, he knew it was real. “Jared, what are you doing here?” he asked, shocked. His husband should be at the concert, starting a new life with Robert.

“Well, you were going to tell me something before Martha interrupted us. So now, I decided that I had something to tell you. So, can I?” Jared gave his best dimpled smile that always made Jensen skip his heartbeat.

“Anything,” Jensen breathed out, still not believing this was real.

Jared quickly wiped away the tears that fell from those green leafy eyes and he felt Jensen lean into his touch. He smiled, knowing Jensen was having a hard time believing it all, hoping to ease his pain, “I’m sorry I hurt you so much. I was an idiot.”

“Was?” Jensen asked cheekily, trying to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

“Yes, was, smartass.” Jared laughed and rested their foreheads together, palming Jensen’s face in both his hands. “But I realized, the true meaning of love is sacrifice. It is the courage to let go. You let me go, Jensen, because you were strong and so very brave. But I’m not. I’m selfish and I can’t let you go.” He softly whispered his next words, closing his eyes, hoping to all that was holy that Jensen would accept him back. “I love you, Jensen. I love you so much. I’m never letting you go. You’re stuck with me forever, you understand?”

Jensen couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but Jared was warm and solid in his arms so he trusted his instincts for once and captured those sinful lips, still crying. It was sweet as the taste of Jared exploded on his tongue and salty too as he couldn’t stop crying, oh for heaven’s sake! He poured all his emotions into that kiss. His longing, his fears, his love. Especially his love. Once they came up to breathe, he pulled Jared into a tight hug, hiding his face in Jared’s neck, scenting the musk of his husband. “I love you too, more than anything in my life, Jay. I can’t function without you,” he confessed as he gave way to more tears.

“Oh Jensen…” Jared kissed his husband wherever he could. “Just so you know, I remember all our conversations and I will answer all of your questions provided you ask me.” Jared gambled his little secret hoping Jensen wouldn’t get mad.

Jensen didn’t realize the meaning behind those words until he reflected back on them. Jared was answering all his questions from one of his poems, the one in which he had penned all his anguish and his yearning for his husband. He leaned back and stared at Jared stunned, “You read my diary.” He should be angry at Jared for reading something so personal. But if that was what led Jared back to him then he wasn’t going to complain. 

“I did. I shouldn’t have, I agree. But I’m not sorry that it made me realize what a wonderful husband you are and that you love me enough to let me go. Those poems were so beautiful, Jensen. They brought me back to you, Jensen. So, I can’t be sorry for that.”

Jensen started crying again, “You know, you’re amazing, Mr. Ackles.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Ackles.”

They sat there smiling goofily at each other, holding hands just enjoying the feel of being together. They kept kissing now and then, just to reassure themselves that they were finally together – finally husbands in the truest of senses.

“Not that I don’t want to keep kissing you, but do you mind if we move this behind closed doors?” Jared mumbled near Jensen’s lips.

Jensen nodded vigorously not ready to let go yet, “Yeah. Let’s,” he once again kissed Jared deeply. It was like he was addicted to the taste of his husband and couldn’t stop kissing him again and again.

Once they parted, Jared gave his husband a smile. Jensen’s hair was a mess – a result of Jared’s fingers moving around in the blond spiky hairs which were now sticking up in different directions. Jensen looked like a debauched angel to him, still staring intently at Jared’s lips, his lips kiss swollen and slicked with Jared’s saliva, his eyes lust, filled. And the best part was this angel now belonged to him.

Jared quickly pecked Jensen’s lips once more and stood up, “Come on, Jen. Let’s go before I do something I’ll regret later.” Jared bent down a little and whispered in Jensen’s ear, kissing his earlobe, “Something like throwing you down, ripping off your clothes and riding you for hours.” He pressed a kiss to his husband’s neck as if sealing the deal with dirty promises.

Jensen shivered at the thought of finally getting to touch Jared in all the ways he wanted. God, his husband was so hot. “Okay. Let’s get a cab and head back.”


	16. Love Was Passion, Courage And Sacrifice

**“It was nice―in the dark and the quiet…and her eyes looking back, like there was something in me worth seeing.”**

**\- John Green, Paper Towns**

The whole ride was silent with tension between them building up. They held hands throughout, not ready to let go of each other. Once they reached the apartment, Jensen fumbled with the lock as Jared kept kissing and biting at his neck continuously. His husband was marking him like a man starved, intent on ravishing Jensen.

When they got inside and Jensen locked the door behind him, he was pinned to the door instead as Jared kissed him hard, all strokes of teeth and tongue. “Oh God, you’re so beautiful, Jensen. You taste so good. Can’t get enough of you,” Jared murmured before going back to kissing Jensen senseless.

Jensen hummed while he kissed Jared just as passionately and gave into his urge to manhandle his tall hunk of a husband. He managed to pick up Jared, bridal style as Jared squealed and demanded to be put down. “Yes, princess, I’ll pull you down, just enough so that I can slide in the tight heat of yours and fuck you good,” Jensen said as he made his way to his – possibly now their – bedroom. That almost shut Jared up immediately. He threw his husband on the bed and stared intently at him as he saw Jared stripping his clothes away. He still couldn’t believe that Jared was finally his.

Jared was already hard and he needed Jensen to touch him. He ached for his husband’s touch, his kisses, his cock. That was why the moment Jared was thrown on the bed, he started ripping his clothes away. He wanted every dirty promise Jensen made, to be fulfilled. Once he was naked as the day he was born, he saw the way Jensen was staring at him intently, his eyes roaming up and down Jared’s naked body, pupils dilated and desire clearly written in the green gaze. Jared blushed deeply, averting his eyes. No one had ever made him feel this way – made him feel wanted and desired. Not even Robert. 

Jared always thought he was too tall and too skinny, too long and much too independent - not exactly ~~a~~ marriage material. Especially for a carrier. He always used to think that his husband would never find him enough, never find him attractive. That was why he was a bit surprised to see Jensen notably hard – if the bulge in his pants was anything to go by and he blushed. Too happy and elated to know that he was the reason behind Jensen’s desire; that he too could elicit such a strong reaction from his husband. He was brought out of his dreamland when he heard Jensen’s deep voice speaking to him.

“I’ll always want you, Jared. Always ache for you. Always desire you. Always love you.” Jensen spoke as if he had read Jared’s mind. When Jared looked up, his husband was half naked and was currently removing his pants. Jared admired the little show Jensen unknowingly put on and met his husband’s lust filled gaze head on, “Show me,” he whispered.

“Gladly,” Jensen replied. He blanketed Jared’s body and kissed him deep and dirty, hands roaming around the beautiful body, trying to catalogue every reaction, every gasp, every moan, and every murmur of his name. He gave full attention to Jared’s nipples, biting and sucking on them until they were sensitive. He then kissed down to his stomach, his belly button – that made Jared giggle. He slowly made his way down to his hard and leaking cock, gently kissing its tip before taking it into his mouth.

Jared was on cloud nine. He had never felt so desired and so loved ever in his life. Every touch of Jensen’s had love and deep respect written all over it. Currently though, it was like Jensen was intent on killing him. The wet heat of Jensen’s mouth and his talented tongue were making Jared feel so overwhelmed, he didn’t think he could last long. He was close but didn’t want to find his release yet. He wanted to reach his point of ecstasy with his husband, just as Jensen would spill his seed deep inside him. “Jensen, stop. Stop.”

Now that was a command that confused Jensen as he let go of the sweet cock and looked up to meet a wrecked Jared, “Was that too much?” he asked hesitatingly.

“No, it's just that…I don’t wanna cum. Not yet at least. I wanna feel you inside me first,” Jared said, a deep red blush spreading on his whole body.

“Are you sure, baby? You sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes, Jensen I’m sure. Now please, I’m hard and so close to losing control. Fuck me, now,” Jared demanded.

Jensen couldn’t help but kiss his adorable partner. They traded sweet and reverent kisses as it clicked with Jensen just what Jared was offering. They were about to be as close as they could get, in the most intimate way. Jensen knew that sex between partners was a very natural thing. The idea of breaching Jared and being connected with him on the most primal level, surged a deep emotion within him. He knew there were times when partners weren’t compatible and they’d be forced to have sex, to have Jared giving himself so freely and so openly to Jensen made him euphoric. He was happy to have found love, because he was sure, it was the mutual feeling that made the intimacy between them even stronger.

Although, Jensen was almost a virgin himself – never having an experience in penetrative sex – he wanted to make sure Jared really knew what they were about to do. A part of him also wanted to know if Jared had saved himself too – just like Jensen had – to share the intimacy of the first time with his “One True Mate”. Because Jared had been through a roller coaster ride today. From meeting and getting together with the one he thought he loved to finally realizing and getting together with the one he truly loved – his husband - Jensen.

“Jared, are you…” Jensen was cut off with a low growl coming from the man writhing under him.

“I swear to God, if you ask me one more time, I’m gonna throw you down and ride that big cock of yours until you lose control. For the last time, I’m sure. I want this. I need this. I need you, Jensen. I love you.” Jared replied, holding Jensen’s gaze, eyes so soft and intent that they could bare Jensen’s soul naked.

“I love you too. But Jared we don’t have to do this. If it's because…”

Jared could already sense the storm brewing deep within his husband. “Jensen, you’re gonna be my first. And it’s not because I’m looking for validation or that you’re my rebound.” He cupped Jensen’s face with both his hands. “Jensen, for a rebound, I first need to be bonded to someone. I thought I loved Robert, but I realized I never really did. Whatever it was lust, desire, attraction, I don’t know. But what I feel for you, it’s never been that way for anyone else. Yes, had a few kisses shared with Robert but he never touched me beyond that. I’m a virgin, Jensen. And I’m proud of the fact that I get to share my first time with you. You’re my husband and you’re the only one to have ever seen me this way and God willing, I’d like you to be the only one who gets to touch me in the most intimate ways. I’m yours to have, yours to kiss, yours to touch and most importantly yours to love. Make love to me, Jensen.”

Jensen was so choked up, he couldn’t get any words out. God, his husband was so pure and so innocent and Jensen wanted to do all the dirty things to him. Better yet, with him. They were partners, equals, husbands. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and quickly kissed his Jared one more time. Jensen rested their foreheads together and smiled. “I love you too, so much. There’s just one problem though. I don’t have the goodies with me.”

Jared smiled at the very shy admission. “It’s okay. I managed to get the goodies this afternoon, while you were on a self-pity trip.” Jared laughed at the indignant face of his husband. “Look in the top left drawer of the table. I can’t believe Mr. Ackles, you came on a honeymoon with your husband unprepared,” Jared teased him and enjoyed Jensen’s deep blush. It felt so good, for once, not to be the one caught blushing. 

“Hey, it was not like I knew, we’d be doing…s-stuff,” Jensen stuttered, “As far as I knew, I was just a knight accompanying the prince on his journey to unite with his lover.” The thought of losing Jared still disturbed him. He was afraid that Jared would realize one day, that he was still in love with Robert and leave Jensen forever. It was hard the first time, when he knew Jared didn’t want him. But now that he had Jared, tasted him, shared his body with him, showered him with love, Jensen wasn’t sure he could handle Jared leaving for a second time.

“Hey, I’m right here. I was wrong before, Jensen. So very wrong. I’m right here with you, never going to leave you. I promise.” Jared grabbed Jensen’s head and pulled him down to plant a sweet kiss on his temple. “Besides, the prince has found his love – his other half and is wondering if he’s ever gonna get laid or just exhaust himself with all the talk?” Jared teased to lighten the mood.

“Haha…very funny.” Jensen opened the drawer and picked up the lube and condoms. He laid them on the table and picked up the lube. He poured a good amount on his fingers and encircled Jared’s opening.

Jared’s breath caught as he felt Jensen’s finger breach him. It burned a little but it also felt good. Jensen was being so sweet and careful with him. It made Jared stupidly happy to know his husband wasn’t ready to hurt Jared, not even the slightest. His movements were slow and reverent and he dipped down more than once to enjoy Jared’s mouth. And Jared loved every second of it.

When Jensen was sure Jared was prepped enough, he picked up the condom packet. He had opened up Jared nice and slow, slicked him enough to ease him with it. He may be a virgin but he refused to hurt his husband even a little. The sounds Jared had made were so hot and pretty, it made him as hard as a rock. He was about to tear the condom packet when Jared held his wrist firmly. Jared was looking at Jensen hesitatingly. Jensen just raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“Jen, would it be possible…I don’t want anything between us. I’m clean and I believe you are too. I-I wanna…feel you inside of me. Can you go bare?”

Jensen was dumb struck. He never thought he could possibly love Jared anymore than he did. But he was wrong. At this moment he loved Jared even more, more than he ever could. “Jay…oh Jay…I’d love that you. But babe, I know for a fact that you’re not a birth control pill. There’s a possibility of you conceiving right away…”

Jared knew that but he didn’t care. “Jen, I know. I also know we don’t know each other as well as we should have; had it not been for my dumb obliviousness. But I wanna feel you, all of you. An-and if I happened to get pregnant right away then we’ll deal with it. If it happens, it happens. I don’t mind having kiddos, as long as you’re with me to raise them and love me enough. Let nature take its course. Please Jen,” Jared looked up pleadingly at Jensen.

Jensen knew he could never resist Jared but one look at the puppy dog look and he surrendered fast, faster than the French. He threw the packet on the floor and lined himself up as he slid inside the tight, wet heat of his husband.

They moved slowly and gently, none of them willing to lose quickly. They paused at times in between, to stop themselves from coming. They moved together as one, locked in the intimate dance of love making. When Jared was close, he shot thick white ropes all over their torsos which in turn made Jensen cum deep within Jared.

They were finally together. Finally one. Finally husbands in the truest sense.

“What happens now, Jen?” Jared asked as they lay together in the afterglow of their love making.

“Anything you want. We have our own villa set up back on the Ackles’ Estate. You can continue with your music classes as I go back to my law firm. We have to throw a reception, though. I had planned it to be whenever you want and wherever you wish,” Jensen replied, tenderly kissing Jared’s forehead.

“I can go back to work? Really?” Jared was surprised.

“Jay, I was raised differently. My father always taught me to respect others, especially my husband above all and beyond. Baby, you can do anything you want. I won’t cage you, you know. You’re free to do anything and everything. In fact if you feel like it, you can also help me with the nonprofit organization we’re running called “My Body, My Choice” that helps the abused carriers ~~to~~ have a new start. I know you feel bad for the carriers who are abused and you want to help them. This way you can join me and we can work together for a good cause. You can do anything, Jay. I’ll support you 100%.”

“I love you,” Jared blurted out, “Would…would I need to decide right now?”

“No, Jay, you don’t. You have plenty of time. You can continue your music classes though. Maybe, shift them near our estate?” Jensen asked hopefully.

“Okay. I was thinking about it when we got married but I didn’t think you’d permit me. Anyway, about the reception. Is it an Ackles tradition?”

“Yeah, we…uh…the married couple throws a housewarming party and invites the close relatives and friends just so that all the Ackles and acquaintances get to meet the new member of the family. I had hoped that we’d do it in the estate hall but once our cottage is ready, we can do that there instead.”

“Can we decide on it tomorrow, Jen? I’m actually sleepy. And I haven’t had a good night's sleep for so long. I just want to have a good sleep. Will you hold me?”

“Of course I’ll hold you Jay. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Although there’s one thing you can’t do”

Jared perked up at that, his forehead crinkling, “What’s that?”

“You can’t ever leave me, understood?”

Jared heard the insecurity in his husband’s voice. He figured he’d have to work hard to establish trust between them. He vowed, “Never” and snuggled close into his husband.

Satisfied, Jensen kissed his sleepy husband one last time as they drifted off into a deep and sound sleep.


	17. And I Loved Him For What He Was

**“If a painting really works down in your heart and changes the way you see, and think, and feel, you don’t think, ‘oh, I love this picture because it’s universal.’ ‘I love this painting because it speaks to all mankind.’ That’s not the reason anyone loves a piece of art. It’s a secret whisper from an alleyway. Psst, you. Hey kid. Yes you.”**

**\- Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch**

The next morning, they were having breakfast when Jared spoke, “So, what do you wanna do today? I mean, we’re left with four more days of booking in this apartment.”

“Um…lets see, how about we go sightseeing?” Jensen suggested as he put away their plates.

“I don’t know if I wanna go out. This apartment is so cozy. What else?” Jared quipped as he stood behind his husband and pulled him to his chest, as he nuzzled his neck.

“Hmm…what about going on a trek?”

“Jenseeen…” Jared whined as he peppered soft kisses to Jensen’s neck and his cheeks. “I don’t wanna go out. I’d rather spend time with you right here.” Jared pressed his hard-on into Jensen’s ass as he slowly rubbed against him.

“Hmm…this morning wasn’t enough for you, huh Mr. Ackles?” Jensen smirked as he turned around and kissed his husband deeply.

“Umm…” Jared smiled into the kiss, “Never gonna be satisfied. It’s like I crave you even more. I’ll always want you, more than you know.”

“I know…a little,” Jensen pecked Jared’s dimples, “I want you Jay, always.”

Jared didn’t wait for another second as he dragged his husband back into the bedroom, trying to reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies.

At night after their third session of the day, Jared lay sweaty and sated, in his husband’s arms, snuggling deep into his body heat. “Why’d you decided to help me, Jen, when you were already in love with me?” he asked in a very soft voice. He felt Jensen’s hold on him tighten and smiled into his husband’s chest.

“I _was_ in love with you. I _am_ in love with you. When you love a person, you want them to be happy and smiling. I realized that you weren’t the happy and goofy self that you were when I first saw you. Instead you looked dull as if you’d been forced into marrying me. More so, after I read the letters, I could see your happiness lay elsewhere as all my fears came true of you having married me unwillingly.” Jensen paused, as his voice cracked a little. He felt Jared kiss his chest, as if reassuring Jensen of his presence. His husband had gotten awfully perceptive of his needs within such a short time period.

“I knew you’d never love me, the way I’d want you to. So, I talked to my dad. He suggested that I should instead develop a friendship with you first. Maybe get you to know me better so that we could at least pass a year. And if I still failed to interest you, then I would let you go. It still didn’t feel right, so I did the only thing I could. FindRobert for you. I never thought ~~;~~ instead I’d be the one to find my way into your heart.”

Jared was so damn grateful that his husband loved him so much as to sacrifice his own happiness for him. He kissed Jensen and poured all of his affection, respect and love into it, hoping that his husband would get it. If the way Jensen kissed him back was anything to go by, he understood every emotion brimming in Jared.

The remaining three days were spent mostly in bed, getting to know each other’s bodies. They had amazing dinner dates, sometimes talking nonstop and sometimes teasing each other nonstop. It was the most fun Jared ever had. 

Jared always thought that when he’d be married his partner would never take an interest in him. After having met Robert, he was sure that he could never fall in love with anyone. He had resigned himself to being stuck in a loveless marriage. Meeting Jensen and getting to know him had changed Jared’s view of the definition of love. It was a scintillating experience. Jensen was everything and more so, of all the ideas Jared had of having a perfect life partner. He was thankful and grateful that his father had seen it fit to make his match with Jensen.


	18. It Took Me Time But I Finally Realized

**“It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.”**

**\- Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita**

The first thing Jared did after they touched down at the Ackles’ Estate was meet Andrew Ackles. After all he owed the man a talk – man-to-man- hopefully father-in-law to son-in-law for everything he had done. Also, for raising Jensen the way he was, he definitely wanted to thank Andrew Ackles.

Jared was nervous, Jensen was out at their cottage and he was sitting in the Ackles’ main office, with his father-in-law sitting across from him, his face carefully neutral.

“You wanted to speak to me in private, son,” Andrew said.

“Yes, Sir. I just wanted to thank you,” Jared managed to get out of his dry mouth.

“What for?” His father-in-law seemed quite amused.

“For giving me a chance and for not throwing me out, even when you had all the right to do that. After all, I disrespected your wisdom and I insulted your son. And for accepting me exactly the way I am.”

“You know, we don’t believe in bending people against their will. Besides, I’m more curious as to if Jensen ever misbehaved with you?”

“No, no, Sir. He’s been wonderful to me throughout. Even when I hated him in the beginning”

“You said ‘hated’ as in past tense. What changed between then and now, son?”

Jared blushed as he tried to explain to Jensen’s father that Jared was in love with his son, “I-I … It’s just that, he’s a sweet person. Caring, understanding, patient and mostly loving. He’s been so sweet to me…and I-I love him,” he admitted in a small voice.

“Everyone does. He’s just that sweet of a human being.”

Jared sensed that Andrew wasn’t convinced and he had the right to test Jared, “No, as in love with him. I’m in love with him, Sir.”

Jared waited patiently as his father–in-law just stared at him. He felt like hours passed before he heard a booming laugh coming from him. “Jared, son, I’m sorry to have grilled you. But after the stunt you pulled, I had to. I’m a father after all. I’m glad you both are happily in love.” He stood up and hauled Jared up in a tight embrace. “Welcome to the family, Jared. I’m happy to have you as a part of our family. And, son, I believe you can call me Andrew or better yet, you can call me Dad. After all, you are like my son. Hell, you are my son. And if Jensen ever treats you badly, you come tell me, okay. I can whoop that boy on his ass and mend him right,” Andrew quipped cheerfully.

Jared couldn’t believe his luck. He was so lucky to have been married into such a wonderful family. Once he met all of the Ackles, he was sure that his father had been right all along. Diana Ackles, Jensen’s mom had fussed over Jared as a mother does after her son comes back home from a long trip.

“Jensen, look at your husband. It looks like you never took care of your husband. Did you not let him eat? I’m so sorry for Jensen’s denseness, Jared. He can sometimes forget that not everyone can go without a proper meal.” She had decked her son.

“Oh, sure, when I come back, it's always ‘Jensen- do this, do that’ but Jared gets the special treatment. It's like I’m the adopted son,” Jensen teased.

“Shut it Jensen. Jared is my son. He just left his home to come live with us crazy people, so of course I’m gonna fuss over him. Besides, he’s my favorite because he helped me with the kitchen chores despite the fact that I ordered him not to,” Diana replied.

It was wonderful to feel accepted and loved again. And Jared couldn’t thank his stars enough for finally having not only met Jensen but the Ackles too. They were all truly one of a kind.

They scheduled their housewarming ceremony in two months and it had been the happiest and most joyous months of his life. Jensen was the most beautiful soul ~~,~~ Jared had ever come across and he was so glad to have claimed him as husband. They were compatible and had a healthy sexual relationship. The result of which had Jared puking his guts out every morning for the last two weeks. He had passed it off as a stomach bug but as the next week had seen him hugging the toilet again, he had scheduled an appointment with his doctor. Jensen had been worried and had even taken two days off to spend with Jared, being a mother hen. But Jared knew that in order to actually go through this, he had to send Jensen away.

It took a lot of convincing but he managed to send Jensen to work. Once he bid Jensen goodbye, he cleaned up and got ready and drove to the doctor. His thoughts were confirmed when the heartbeats sounded through the ultrasound and he saw two beans on the screen. “Congratulations, Mr. Ackles. You’re having twins. And by the size of your babies, you’re almost 10 weeks along.” Jared had lost it then, crying tears of joy and happiness. After that eventful visit, it had been hard to suppress his happiness from his husband, as he didn’t want to give up his secret. He wanted to surprise his husband. Give him the happiness that was so well deserved.


	19. That In My Heart He Had A Place, I Had Given My Heart Away

**_“You were the half of my heart I was born without.”_ **

**_\- O. Leary_ **

****

The reception was in full swing, with Jensen’s friend’s on stage performing some select songs, when Jared’s parents arrived. His father was still stiff. Jared welcomed them wholeheartedly. Everyone seemed relaxed, except for his father. He was about to ask his father if he needed something to drink when his name was called out on stage.

“Give it up for the man with a voice of an angel – Jared Ackles, Jensen’s husband.”

Jensen shot him a look, but he just smiled and went on stage.

“Hey ya’ll. I know this wasn’t planned but when I saw my husband today, happy and smiling, I couldn’t help but think that I need to give him something back for all the love he’s showered me with. This song is for you, Jen.”

_Look into my eyes,_

_You will see_

_What you mean to me_

_Search your soul_

_And when you find me there_

_You’ll search no more_

_Don’t tell me it’s not worth trying for_

_Don’t tell me it's not worth dying for_

_You know it's true_

_Everything I do_

_I do it for you._

_Look into your heart_

_You’ll find_

_There’s nothing there to hide_

_Take me as I am_

_Take my life_

_I would give it all_

_I would sacrifice_

_Don’t tell me it’s not worth fighting for_

_I can’t help it, there’s nothing I want more_

_Yeah I know it’s true_

_Everything I do,_

_I do it for you_

_There’s no love_

_Like your love_

_And no other_

_Could give more love_

_There’s nowhere_

_Unless you’re there_

_All the time_

_All the way, yeah_

_Look into your heart, baby_

_Oh you can’t tell me it’s not worth trying for_

_I can’t help it , there’s nothing I want more_

_Yeah, I would fight for you_

_I lie for you_

_Walk the wire for you_

_Yeah, I’d die for you_

_You know it’s true_

_Everything I do_

_Oh_

_I do it for you_

_Everything I do, darling_

_And we’ll see it’s true,_

_Oh we’ll see it’s true_

_Yeah_

_Search your heart_

_And your soul_

_You can’t tell me, it’s not worth dying for_

_I’ll be there_

_I’d walk the fire for you_

_I’d die for you_

_Oh yeah_

_I’m going all the time, all the way_

When Jared ended the last note, Jensen wanted to go up on stage and kiss him stupid. His heart was so full for this handsome and lovely guy, it could burst out of his chest. As Jared thanked everyone and left the stage, Jensen approached him and hugged him tight. “I love you, Jay. So much.”

“Love you too, Jen,” Jared whispered. “There’s something I want to tell you, Jen.”

“Shh…first I wanna show my husband off to everyone and let them know that you belong to me.”

“Possessive much?” Jared chuckled

“Oh love, you don’t know it but you look so handsome today and more than three of my friends have already eyed you in front of me. I bet there are more who have done it behind my back. So, yes, I want them to know that you belong to only me,” Jensen declared as he kissed Jared passionately.

Once they came up for air, they just stood there, enjoying the feeling of being together.

“So, If the love fest is over, I’d like to grab Jared for a moment,” Myra Padalecki said, amused.

“Of course.” Jensen broke apart and whispered in a low voice, “Tonight, you’re all mine. I’m gonna take you apart and put you back together, Jay. That’s a promise.” And then he ran in the opposite direction, leaving Jared in quite an embarrassing situation with a raging hard on.

Jared was blushing red, when he heard a deep laugh coming from in front of him. His sister looked rather smug, obviously knowing what Jared’s problem was. “Oh laugh all you want. Just wait till you get married, Myra. It’ll be my turn then,” Jared grumbled.

“I can’t wait,” she happily squealed. “You look happy, Jared. And deeply in love. It’s a good look on you.”

“I am, happily married and deeply in love. Jensen…he’s something different. And I love him so much, Myra,” Jared admitted to his sister.

“I’m happy for you,” Myra hugged his brother. “But, I’m not here to interview you. I’m sure the next time you visit, you’ll tell me all the details. Right now, Dad wants to talk to you.”

Jared was a bundle of nerves as he headed for their garden where his father was waiting for him. He was sick, his stomach in knots and he felt like throwing up.

“You wanted to see me, Dad?”

“Yeah,” Senior Padalecki turned around with shiny eyes.

“Dad, what’s wrong? Is there a problem?” Jared was suddenly on guard, worry evident even to him in his tone. It was a rare thing to watch his father being so vulnerable. His shoulders were hunched and he looked dejected.

“No, I just… you’ve written the song yourself for your love, didn’t you?”

“Yeah…but…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jared. I thought you’d be a perfect match with Jensen. But I ruined it all. I can see now…”

“Dad, you aren’t making any sense.”

“I’m sorry I did this to you. It was so clear from the way you sang, that you’re deeply in love with him. I should have listened to you and I should have asked Robert to stay back. I should have let you two get together.”

It all dawned on Jared that his father misinterpreted the song that he had written for his love as in for Robert. Dear God, he couldn’t be more wrong. “Stop, Dad. It’s not your fault. You got it all wrong though. I don’t love Robert.”

“You don’t?” He could see his father was having a hard time understanding the whole situation.

“Yeah. I don’t. After marriage, Jensen discovered the truth about Robert within 15 days. He didn’t lash out though. Instead he took me to Mont Monac to meet Robert so that both of us could reunite. It was during those days that I understood the difference between love and a fling. What Robert and I had was pure attraction. There were no feelings as such. But with Jensen, it's like I’m his everything. I’m in love with Jensen, Dad. And it’s because of you. So, please don’t apologize. I’m happier than I ever was.”

He was engulfed in an all-encompassing bear hug by his father as he silently cried on Jared’s soldier. “I love you, son”

“I love you too, Dad. It’s okay, Dad. I’m okay.” He was so relieved to have his dad back. He relaxed but the sudden relief brought back the nausea up and he jumped away and threw up in the bushes.

“Oh son, have you been sick?” Graham Padalecki helped his son get up and sat him on the chair. He ran in and came back with a glass of water. “Here, sip slowly. Have you been to the doctor yet?”

Jared was touched to see his father worried over him. He drank the water and pulled his father down and made him sit beside him. “No, Dad. I’m not sick. I’m pregnant with twins. Almost 10 weeks.”

“Oh My God, Jared! You- you’re…Oh God!” Graham Padalecki burst into tears and hugged Jared again.

“Yes, Dad. I am. It’s just that no one knows and I haven’t told Jensen yet. So, please, would you not tell anyone yet? I wanna tell Jensen first. He’s given me so much and I want to give him the joy of being a father.”

“Of course, I’ll keep it a secret. I promise, not even your mother will find out from me,” Padalecki said, wiping his tears away.

“Thank you, Dad”

“Anytime, son.” His father petted his hair and they both stood up to go back inside the hall.

Once everyone had left, both Jared and Jensen made their way back to their suite and got ready for bed. Jared looked at himself in the mirror, naked from the waist above. His tummy was a bit spongy and if he looked closely he could clearly see the swell. He cradled his swell as he spoke in a very low tone, “Hi, babies. I’m your Daddy. Your Papa doesn't know about you yet, but I can’t wait to see his reaction. We both love you already.”

It was in that moment that Jensen came back in the room and stood stunned, staring at Jared.

“Jay…Is that…what?!” Jensen was so shocked. He saw the rounded belly and he had just heard Jared speak. It didn’t take a genius to understand the obvious.

“Come here, Jen.” Jensen obeyed his husband and Jared gave him a sweet smile as he grabbed his hand and pressed on his belly.

“I’m 10 weeks along, Jen. And I’m carrying twins. You’re gonna be a father, Jen, ” Jared told him happily.

Jensen stood there, staring at his husband’s belly. It was like he was in a trance. He recovered quickly and knelt down. He reverently cradled the baby bump and planted several kisses, “I love you babies and I love your daddy too. I can’t wait to meet you.”

Jensen surged up and kissed Jared again. “God, you’ve made so happy Jared. I can’t believe you’re mine and that you’ll be giving me two bundles of joy soon. I’m so lucky.”

That night, Jensen made sweet and passionate love to Jared. And Jared knew, even his husband denied it, he himself was extremely lucky to have found Jensen and his love. He thought he had loved Robert. But meeting Jensen and falling in love with him had made him realize that he couldn’t have. Not when he had already given his heart away.

He had his husband. They belonged together. He didn’t need anything else in life.

*****The End*****

****

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think. Kudos and Comments are most welcome.


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